I'm sure this is just my depression and anxiety going crazy like it some times likes to do but right now I just really need to vent a bit. I see people I knew from school getting married, having kids or going to school, getting a trade or some how bettering their lives while I seem to just be stagnating. I am 29 and even now when people ask me what I want to do with my life I have no clue. When ever I do think about or even actually start looking in to going back to school I either make an excuse as to why I can't or end up just convincing my self there is no point because I am too stupid any ways. What makes me feel even worse is I live with my parents still and to top it off they have no clue who I really am and lately I have jst been so on edge with them and the smallest things seem to drive me absolutely nuts. I am really just at the point where I feel if I were to just die in my sleep I, and every one around me would be better off. The other day my stepdad was going on about how I should do more than just play video games on my days off which just made me feel even worse about my self. I only have two friends one of which lives out of town so I can't go out and do stuff with him and the other she seems to be working on all my days off lately or we would go hiking and for me the thought of trying to make new friends is completely terrifying. The only reason I have the two friends I do is because I met them at my last job and well I'm not even sure how we became friends. It also doesn't help that when ever a commercial for a dating site comes on my mom says I should try it. Why couldn't I have just been born right
First of all, I can relate. I suffer from severe depression, and sometimes it can really suck. I am guilty of this too, but realize your parent's comments are out of love for you. The only way to get out there is to get out there. I know it hard, but just do it! I'm praying for you. ((Hugs)))
Have you considered moving out of your parents' house? Since you like hiking, you might consider looking for any hiking groups, which may also expand your friend group because the chances are good you may share more interests with some of those people.
Yea would love to just can't afford to right now. It isn't that I don't get out of the house and do stuff, it is more my stepdad likes to assume I don't. Also I do pay rent, buy food and help clean house and such. My main problem is I just wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life. My job is ok and if I stick with it long enough I will be making good money. More just a rant than any thing. ---------- Post added 2nd Oct 2015 at 10:38 PM ---------- Also while it may seem silly, there have been a lot of pregnant women in the store I work at and that tends to get me down kind of as well. I get very jealous of them and some times it just makes me want to cry.
Don’t be down that you feel confused at where you are in life. It’s a normal thing. No one came to earth knowing what they’d be doing every step of the way. At your teens, mid 20’s, 40’s that same feeling of confusion will set it. It is a pretty long road when it comes to getting to know our true selves and our place in this world. This state of emotional and mental exhaustion you are in is the result from prolonged and constant exposure to stress--- thinking about your direction in life, your sexuality, your living condition, parents, friends, etc. Perhaps your fear and apprehension of life, amongst other things. These all compounds and adds up until you just feel like you need to escape from life. The thought of Death can be seductive, a place for your mind to wander to for comfort, the ultimate escape. As an adult is akin to wanting to run away as a child, you want to run away from life itself--- problems including. Is it wrong to assume that you don’t really want to die? It’s that you just want to disappear, get away so that you don’t have to deal with life? However these stressors won’t really go away until you address them, won’t they? For one thing having a realistic view of life would help. As I mentioned do not pressure yourself into figuring things out this early on. You have your whole life to figure it out. And even if you think you have figured it out now. It’ll just change once again when you enter into a different phase in life. In short as life changes, the demands that are set also change. Therefor we ourselves and the role we play in society also constantly change with it. You just really have to go with life instead of arresting it to what you think it should be. Another as I had mentioned above hand is to reassess to goals in life. Get a realistic perspective and realize, not everything has to fall in place all at once. You had earlier mentioned that you have Depression and Anxiety. I do hope you are seeing a Mental Health Professional for proper treatment and therapy. It would be best to address these issues with him or her.
Let me tell you something. Your life is yours to do what you want with it. You arent here in this world to live up to society's or anyone else's expectations. You didn't fail at life, life isn't something that you win or lose, unless you chose to see it that way. I see life as nothing more than what it is, an opprotunity we are all given, and have taken away at the end, to explore our perception of ourselves and our world, and apply that as we see fit. Whatever your life is to you, it isn't going to last forever, so you should try to make the most of it to the best of your ability you know? Even if thats just by kicking back, enjoying your games and taking life one day at a time. Your life is yours to live as you please.
Blue no, I don't want to die ad there is still a lot I want to accomplish not sure what but yea hahaha. Kageshiro my problem is I have no clue what I want to do, I feel like I am just sort of drifting a long. I guess at some point I will figure it out maybe.
