Hi, Im 24 and pretty sure im attracted mostly to girls. I havent ever even kissed one but i guess i just know... The problem is that i want to feel better in my skin but i just cant. I have a good career, im told to be good looking and quite funny but still i feel extremely akward and unconfortable in my skin. As a result, i tend to keep people at a certain distance as i dont want people to get too close and get to see who i really am. As i once read "i make people like me so that ,perhaps that way, one day i will end up liking myself". I know that is not the way to go but i am quite lost:i get hit on by guys a lot which makes me feel bad and i have crush on girls that end up being straight which makes me feel even worse....
Do you think this is entirely related to your sexuality, or do you think there are other issues to consider? Self acceptance is undoubtedly a struggle that many LGBT people have to contend with, but I'm just wondering if you see it as the main reason for this awkward and uncomfortable feeling.
I honestly think it is the only issue which is what makes it so frustating. As i mention above i have been blessed in mNy ways and the only "bad" thing that i have is being gay. From outside i look like a very happy and independant person but i am so fragile and scared that i cant even come out to my closest friends (although i am pretty sure they would accept me)...i would basically change myself for anyother person who was straight and that is sad
^ I feel you in so many different ways. I'm almost exactly like this. I've been in therapy for depression/anxiety for years but I always have avoided sexuality with my therapists because I just wasn't ready to acknowledge that I was gay. It's terrifying. So much so that I am totally overwhelmed by this new world. It's like being a newborn with no parents. Where do I go from here? It's silly, nothing is different about me other than I am just simply acknowledging that I am romantically/physcially attracted to women yet it's like the universe has exploded and nothing makes sense. I'm hoping the "dust" of this settles soon because I'd like to feel normal.
Thanks for your words its nice to feel that im not the only one feeling like this cuz it makes me feel a bit less lonely. I think i might need to take it to the next step and go to therapy cuz i would like to feel someday as happy as the people around me seem to be..
I don't know if you have looked at the resources page, but you may find some useful information there. The stages of coming out includes identity and self acceptance: Empty Closets - Stages of Coming Out If you are struggling to see a way forward, therapy may help.
I have often pictured life as being in an art class where all of us (people) are sitting at individual desks and the art teacher (God) goes around the room and randomly pulls a blob of clay from a box and plops it on each desk and says, "Show me what you can do with this." But the blobs of clay are all different textures, colors, sizes and qualities and it is all so random that it often doesn't seem fair. It's not that you need the best or even a better blob of clay than everyone else has, it's just that this particular one you have in front of you doesn't really fit your personality and it doesn't allow you to create the art you are most capable of creating. It is sad that you won't ever get the chance in life to do your best work because of the stupid randomness of it all. Allow yourself to grieve over that fact without guilt, it's okay, but just don't take too long. To stay focused on what could have been is to miss the point and it will only rob you of precious time to get on with the experiment we call life. What are you going to do with the time that is given you? Given all the things, the good and the bad, what you have and where you are, what are you going to do? Not what can you do or should you do or could you have done. What are you going to do? Stay focused, this is the only thing that matters. Stay mindful and learn to use your medium to its fullest potential as you journey through the times of your life. These are your glory days. The only ones you will ever have.
That was a very lovely & true thing to say! I am very thankful you took the time to write it!i will try my best with the clay i have!
