I identify as biromantic. We are both young; seniors in highschool. We never had a class together and this is the first time we became classmates. I feel really connected to her and i care for her deeply. I want her, every inch of her unsexually. I enjoy every interaction we have, even if it's just passing by each other and i was really happy when we became seatmates for a few weeks. It was during this time that we became friends. I would do things like bandage her wounds (she's an athlete), give her my food, help her in whatever work and even massage her and just check her out because i care for her a lot. I'm afraid i'm letting my feelings speak too much. She is single but has a mutual crush on one of her friends, it kind of hurts but i'm still supporting whatever is happening with them. Just recently we had a retreat and we were partners for an activity. We were required to share our lives with each other and it was a beautiful feeling; lying in the grass together, hugging and just talking about whatever. We discovered how similar we are with each other and we went to almost similar circumstances in life and we became much closer after this. She left me a note that says that she is grateful that were friends and that i'm a rare breed and that she appreciates me and that she was upset that i had to go back to my old seat which was far from her. I don't understand myself and i feel bad for wanting things to happen between us but still supporting her and her crush. I feel upset because i don't know if i'll ever admit to my loved ones about my sexuality ( i live in a homophobic place). How do i become "not-so obvious" about my feelings. Should i just forget about her, given that we will graduate soon and there's a chance we won't see each other anymore? Anyway, sorry for the long story! I never told anyone about this and i need to breathe a little and feel lighter
I don't think there's anything wrong with your feelings. In fact, if you think you would be comfortable with it, I'd even suggest telling her how you feel, even if you want to remain supportive of her and her interest in this other person. There's more than one reason to tell someone you like them - sometimes it just helps with closure. That said, you mention not being out to people in general. You might also feel better about your feelings, and your situation, if you were able to talk to more people about them. Are there any friends you can come out to, if not your family? Think of it as a pressure cooker - you've got a lot of steam built up from not telling people how you feel. If you start telling some people, it may relieve the overall pressure.
