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I need to move forward, but I'm stuck.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BlueRazzberry, Oct 18, 2015.

  1. BlueRazzberry

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2015
    Messages:
    93
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    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm so tired of my life. I have a job that I absolutely hate, but have to stick with until I can find something permanent. I am to the point, with my family, that I don't even enjoy being around them. I can't talk to them, I can't be myself. Every time I try to be around them I'm quiet and they try to talk to me but I don't even care. They say the same thing every damn time, practically word for word. It's like they talk just to hear themselves. I have absolutely nothing in common with any of them anymore. When I'm home, I'd rather be at work, and when I'm at work, I'd rather be home just so I don't have to deal with whatever bullshit that day is throwing at me. It doesn't matter where I am, I'm being treated like my entire life is being lived wrong. Like every choice I make is the wrong one. I get told to live for myself and then when I try to do that, I'm talked down to saying that I have to conform to what everyone else wants. I came out to my mom and she's treating me like it's a fucking phase, although she won't say anything about it regardless, I can see how she feels. I completely regret telling everyone I know about my sexual orientation. I don't see why it should matter since I've been feeling like I'm going to be alone anyways. My anxiety only gets worse over time. I have several small panic attacks almost every day now. I don't care about anything anymore. Every day is just another fucking day, just like the last. I can't even tell the difference anymore. Hanging out with people only puts pressure on me, and I even end up regretting my hangout sessions. I'm in a financial situation where I'd never be able to afford living on my own, but I don't want a roommate as I'm dealing too much with my identity on multiple levels. I've been talking to a friend recently about moving to where she is and being roommates just so i can get away from my family and basically everyone else. I have a constant urge to up and leave without telling anyone until I'm headed out the door. I feel like I'm going to fail at anything I do, but I'm getting to the point that if I don't do something, I'm going to something I really regret, though I'm not sure what. I'm just tired of feeling stuck. I hate waking up and knowing that i have to struggle through another day. Life is so meaningless anymore. Am I wrong to want to leave? I feel like I owe someone something, even though I know its my life. Ive gotten myself into so much shit that, emotionally, I just can't take it anymore. I shouldn't have to feel sorry for wanting to live my own life, but I do. Ive never done that before and now I'm scared. I don't know how to do this.
     
  2. ArcheryDude44

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2015
    Messages:
    23
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    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hey there, You're situation sounds really, really rough and it's one that I've gone through before. It's so hard to see an end to it, trust me, I know, but there is an end, there is a point where it will all go away.
    The best thing to do is find something in your life that you can't fault, because it's so amazing. For me, that was church, it really helped me.
    You've probably heard this before, but unfortunately mate, there's no magic cure.
    There's so much stuff I could tell you, but when I heard people say it to me, it just made me feel down, like no one understood.

    I KNOW things will get better for you, just hang on in there.
    If there's anything I can do; even if it's just to listen, send me a message and I'll be there.

    From Liam :slight_smile: