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Workplace Advice

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by kewk88, Oct 19, 2015.

  1. kewk88

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    Okay, so I've never used a forum for any of my own issues before, so I'm sorry if this is posted in the wrong area. I need advice regarding a recent workplace situation.

    So first off, I'm in the closet. I've worked my job for about 6 years and really enjoy what I do. I work for a small company with a smaller group of people. I have a desk job and carry a messenger bag with me everyday, since I'm constantly bringing paperwork back and forth from work to home. People have always joked and been like oh, how's the murse and I would just laugh. Anyways, one of the newer workers comes in and notices my bag sitting on the floor. He shouts out IS THAT YOUR PURSE?! And I just answered YEAH! Then he asked me if I am a Patrick Fitzgerald. I was like WTF is that?! I had never heard this term before. And then he was explaining to me with hand gestures what it was. I was disgusted, embarrassed and shocked. I know for a fact this guy would not have ever said this had my boss been present. It was just a super awkward situation because one of my coworkers had been in the room as well. I just kind of gave him a really weird face and then we started talking about something else. Once he left, my coworker was like what's a Fitzgerald, so then I explained to her what it was. I was just so humiliated. I just kind of sat there for the rest of the afternoon, like angered at what had been said to me.

    I don't know if I'm overreacting with all of this, but it just kind of upsets me. I get making a joke about the bag, it happens all the time and I just laugh it off. The comment though I feel was inappropriate. Now, he doesn't know I'm gay - as far as I know no one at work does, I'm not out. But, what should I do? Should I talk to my boss about this? What do I even say - since I'm in the closet. Or, do I just leave it alone? Any advice would be helpful! Thanks!
     
  2. ilovesg

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    What does being a Patrick Fitzgerald mean? Sorry Ive never heard that before
     
  3. jonjon

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    Who the hell is Patrick Fitzgerald? Ha.

    I feel you dude. I get put on the spot at work too. If I don't drool over every girl that walks through the front door, I'll eventually get put on the spot about it somehow. Not much else upsets me more, but I'm usually pretty good at holding in how bugged I am. It definitely ruins my day a bit.

    I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I'd like to think that maybe they aren't trying to be dick weeds on purpose. Maybe they're just being nosy and don't know how to properly approach the question. First off, its none of their business whatsoever. But there are much better ways to enquire if someone is gay. For some of us, our sexuality is a big vulnerable soft spot and it sucks when someone just pokes at it with a stick. It just comes of as rude and shows no respect.

    Now, over the years, I'd like to think that I've slowly been gaining some courage on the matter. The last time I was asked, I said, "Don't worry about it. What does it matter anyways?" And gave this gentle scowl. If there is such a thing. Next time I'll add, "...and why? Are you into me or something?" heh heh.

    With all that said, hang in there buddy. If he keeps hounding you and it turns into harassment, talk to your boss about it, be as open as you want, and mention the importance of discretion. I'll always lend an ear if you ever want to vent or chat. :thumbsup:
     
  4. Distant Echo

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    I'm guessing P (two vowels) F?

    Nah, that's not on. Personally I'd be making a comment like Sorry you're not my type. Try someone else? - turn it around on him.
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Well, I had to google it and find the joke! Silly reference. Personally, I would have simply told the guy to F--k O-f, and walk away. You need to draw a line in the sand pretty quickly in those type of situations.

    ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2015 at 12:19 PM ----------

    And thinking about it some more, the supposed joke is so obscure, it really takes someone struggling with internalized homophobia to even use the term in such a way. Wonder when he will come out.......
     
  6. kewk88

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    Thanks so much for the messages everyone! It's been nice reading through what you all have had to say. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Jamie1975

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    No way should he have done that

    Are you ok now?
     
  8. kewk88

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    Hi everyone! :smilewave Thanks again for the comments! I thought I would post an update. I apologize if the writing is all over the place in this. I kind of feel like I’ve been rushing to finally put it together. Here it goes…

    First, I never did mention anything to my boss about his Fitzgerald comment because I was too uncomfortable to even bring it up. I guess I was too scared for myself being in the closet, and thought it may make me look weak if I would bring this up. Stupid, I know.

    So a couple of weeks after my original post on here, I received a text from this guy that had originally asked if I was "Patrick Fitzgerald" aka "GAY". Now between the time of his first comment and this text (couple weeks time) – he made no further gay jokes or anything like that to me at work. Things were kind of back to normal. If anything had changed, it was my attitute towards him, I was probably more like yes or no answers to any work related questions he had for me. I would keep my replies short and to the point, but still professional. Okay, so back to his text. He sends me a text on a Saturday - which I thought was odd, since I only receive work texts during the work week, rarely on the weekends, and never once have I received any from him on the weekend before. So I kind of braced myself for some bullshit when I saw that it was from him. Anyways, the text said "heeeeeyyyyyy". My first thought was oh God, here we go. So I reply asking what’s up? Then he texts me back saying another co-worker would like to unbridle me down and sodimize me. Then a couple minutes later he follows that text up with a LOL text. I knew when I read it, it was some sort of follow up to the Fitzgerald comment from a couple of weeks prior. I didn’t fully understand what it meant, so I Googled it and was like OH-MY-GOD! I was like literally shaking at this point. I know for a fact the coworker he mentioned would never say or think of doing this to me, this guy was just trying to stir things up I guess. I wasn’t really thinking about what should I do about this, I just went fuck it and I took a screenshot of the texts and forwarded it to my boss. I didn’t care about any future discussions or anything like that - since I’m in the closet. So my boss immediately got back to me saying that this individual was immediately fired, no second chances no nothing - gone! They apologized that I had been put in this situation and for what had been said to me. Also, that this guy would never be allowed on company property again. I had said I was okay, and thanked them for terminating this person. The guy was literally fired minutes after I had forwarded the text to my boss. About an hour after this I got another text from the guy saying hopefully you accept my apology I was only making a joke. I never replied to any of his texts. And I’m sorry, but saying accept my apology - isn’t an apology. It basically ruined my weekend. I still don’t understand what would make a person say that to someone?

    I was kind of nervous to go to work that Monday - but none of my coworkers acted any differently around me, even the coworker mentioned in the text didn’t know details of why this guy was fired. People just knew that this guy had been fired over the weekend. I did confide in one of my closer coworkers to tell them what had happened, just so that they were aware of the situation and I don’t regret that. My bosses never really mentioned anything about it when we were back to work. I was a little bit surprised, I know it was just a really upsetting thing for everyone (bosses and myself), and I mean everything was dealt with right away and I did get a phone call and multiple texts from my boss that weekend asking about how I was, and how sorry they were that this had happened. So it’s not like they brushed it off or anything. But I am a little shocked that we never did sit down and discuss in person.

    So I’ve been trying to forget about everything, but it’s been tough. Like I’m still angered, I never want to see of hear from this guy again, but at the same time I want him to know what an asshole he is, and how inappropriate he was. I mean he did lose his job, so he must know he crossed a line. My boss did actually mention to me that this guy cried when he had to hand over his keys after being told he was fired, the guy is like late 40s. At first I was really concerned he would stalk me or try calling or texting me and he hasn’t. I haven’t blocked him on my phone though. I just thought I would need to have something in writing - like if he threatens my life or something, then at least I have something to show the police if need be for say a restraining order or something. I feel like in a way there’s no closure, like I’m waiting for him to make another move or something.

    *** SIDENOTE: Everything written above I had roughly written out about a month ago, I just hadn't had time to post it, or was ready to post it I guess. Anyways, I got a text a couple of days ago from the guy and I'm kind of freaked out.

    Okay, so he texted me a couple of days ago - saying "Well I guess I overstep". Like over a month and a half have gone by since his last text to me, which would have been his "apology text" - that I never replied to. I just knew he would text me eventually. I obviously didn’t respond this time around either but I don’t know – should I block him on my phone? It just sucks because I kind of feel like I’m back at a point of like am I going to get stalked, will I run into him, what would I do if I saw him? I can’t get a restraining order until he physically or verbally threatens me. Technically the original text sent to me from him, wasn’t about him causing harm to me. I haven’t mentioned anything to my boss yet about this recent text. I think I will bring it up when I am back to work. What should I do from this point?
     
  9. Rydia

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    I would block him and just avoid any contact with him. Chances are, he probably will just move on with his creepy life, but if he doesn't I would contact the police.

    I'm glad your employer took action against him, because that kind of behaviour is clearly not appropriate and chances are you aren't the only person he has harassed like that.