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Anxiety and depression

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by TheRainbowPsych, Oct 22, 2015.

  1. TheRainbowPsych

    Regular Member

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    well, first off thanks for this website for having me. And thanks to my big sister for having my feet on the ground when I feel so down.
    I have anxiety and depression issues. Even as a kid I would feel so low at times. I guess this is more than anxiety. I get so affected by the hurtful comments and words people throw at me. I always keep smiling tho, and I feel it just keeps covering up the pile of emotional damages I had. Every smile is equivalent to a thousand stab wounds in my emotional health, and people just keep coming at me. Thats why I don't and can't trust anyone. I feel like they would tell everyone my secret. My flaws, and every imperfection I have. I feel like they would all come at me one time. And gives me all sorts of depressing thoughts. To escape my way, I clung unto smoking and drinking a lot. Yes, kids these days do that I guess. I was 12 when it got worse. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking rum and even resorted to cutting myself just to punish myself for being imperfect. I tried cutting my veins open once and ended up crying the whole night when I had a brief flashback of all the people I will leave behind. My mom, battered and weak, so tired and weary. My sister battling her conditions, and my twin sisters still young. I feel like I just need to escape my life. I tend to be suicidal sometimes. Mostly thinking about cutting myself or choking down on those pills. I still do. And my last attempt was just monday. I can't seem to tell my family about it. The mere thought of them worrying about me. Please help. I'm drowning, deeper than ever.
     
  2. Aspen

    Advisor Full Member

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    It sounds like you're being very hard on yourself. Everyone has imperfections, it's one of the things that makes us human. You said that you can't tell your family because you don't want them to worry about you. Is there anyone you can talk to? Would it be possible for you to see a doctor or counselor about how you're feeling? They won't judge you and they want to help. If you can't, I urge you to tell your family.

    This resource on Self-Injury Behavior might help.

    You're far from alone. My inbox is always open if you need to talk.