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Teen Suicide

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Mickey 29, Oct 22, 2015.

  1. Mickey 29

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My little brother's best friend killed himself a week ago. He was only 17 and we just found out today that he was gay. He killed himself because he told a "girlfriend" he had, and she said she was going to tell everyone.

    The family has not told everyone this yet, but it breaks my heart. I had suspected he was gay for a long time (I've known him since he was tiny). Though he became very masculine as he grew up (he was a star football player, always had a new "girlfriend"), I feel as though my "Closet-dar" is pretty strong. I, of course, did not want to assume anything, but when my mother first told me that he had killed himself, it was the first reason that came into my head.

    He was like a little brother to me and I am so angry and frustrated that anyone ever has to feel like this is the only option because they are gay. I am so mad at anyone who makes people feel like there is something wrong with them because of their sexual orientation. Though I struggled with my own homosexuality, I was lucky enough to never get really depressed or sincerely question suicide.

    I have only been out for a few months and, unfortunately, he did never got the chance to know I was gay. I can't help but think what might have happened if he knew. I know, for myself at that age, not knowing anyone else who was gay was the biggest hindrance on my own identity. I just wish I got the chance to talk to him about it and I feel this immense responsibility (though that comes with suicide grief in general).

    Oddly enough, my cousin called me the night of the funeral threatening suicide (it was a timing coincidence as he lives far away and did not know about my brother's best friend). It was definitely the scariest phone call I've ever received because I was thousands of miles away and felt helpless. Soon enough, he actually Came Out to me on the phone call. (He had heard about my coming out and was struggling with what to do). After a long discussion, he calmed down as he realized that what he was going through, I had also been going through... and so have a lot of people. (I also told him about EC). He didn't even know what the Kinsey scale was, which was the same boat I was in until about a year ago. He eventually worked up the courage to tell his mother that night (though that was met with mixed results). He is going to come stay with me for a while. It was a very unexpected experience overall...

    I was speaking to a gay friend of mine just a few weeks ago, and the topic of suicide came up. I asked him if he had ever questioned it back in high school and his response was "Of course I did". That response really stuck with me, because it just implied that it was a 'given' that being in the closet and contemplating taking your own life go hand in hand.

    I am just ranting at this point, but for some reason I am still ignorant to how much change still needs to happen. I think it's because I surround myself with like minded people...I forget that there are still lonely, confused, depressed closeted individuals who don't see any other way out.
     
  2. Yosia

    Full Member

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    First off, I want to say sorry and wish you the best, dealing with death of someone close to you can be extremely difficult, especially suicide. *hugs*

    But I agree, things need to change. Depression and other mental health issues have statistically increased over the years, and unfortunately, a lot of these people are teenagers who may feel that they do not have much to live for, so even something like being gay could be the final thing to push them over the edge.

    Therefore we need to ensure that people understand that being LGBT+ and many, many other things are perfectly fine, but also need to tackle mental health while we're at it too.
     
  3. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out to everyone
    I'm terribly sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your brothers friend to suicide. Any suicide is a tragedy (and we should recognise it as such) but the suicide of a young person, who has so much potential and so much living to do is particularly distressing. If you want/need to talk more about how you feel, please do. You are welcome to send me a private message, if you wish.

    It's a sad fact that many young (and older) gay people contemplate suicide because they cannot see a way forward; a way to escape the suffocation of the closet. The fear and confusion is terrible and that's why it's incumbent upon all of us who have been through the process of coming out to provide help, hope and reassurance... to say "you can do this, just like we did, and we are here to guide you and hold your hand". Fundamentally, that's why Empty Closets exists.

    I want to give you a huge amount of credit for being there for your cousin and for offering him the time and space to share his thoughts and feelings and for giving him the confidence to come out to you. You didn't need to be in the same room as him because you managed to bridge the divide with your warmth, empathy and compassion and that makes you a pretty amazing person in my book. I'm sure it was scary for you, but you made the difference and I'm pleased he is going to spend some time with you now. He needs some emotional rest and recuperation and I'm confident you will do your best to provide that. Just be sure to manage your own feelings well at the same time - talk to us if you need to.

    Don't think about what you could have done for your brother's friend because it will get you nowhere. We can all go through life with coulda, woulda, shoulda thoughts and be wise with the benefit of hindsight... and still be wrong.

    This is probably a good time to highlight the work of The Trevor Project in the US: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/