Hi, this is my first post. I really have no where else to turn. I have been struggling with this situation I have been in for a while now. I have to give a little back story before saying the actual problem. Back story: Three years ago I was dating a female from my art class. We were together for 6 months and for some reason I feel in such deep love that after we broke up for two years I could never really move on. I had no closure from her. Current Situation: I am now in a relationship with a guy and we have known each other for two years and have been together for about 8 months. I have a daughter and he loves her to death. She even calls him daddy. Now he is the best guy I have ever been with. EVER. He takes care of me, my daughter, makes sure we are okay and would do anything for us. He has an amazing job, a car and his own place. I started school about a month and a half ago. I met this girl in my class. I the time I didn't know she was a lesbian. But we started hanging out and talking. Around our third time hanging out we kissed. I hadn't told her I had a boyfriend. Four days after this happens my boyfriend reads the messages between us and starts asking about mine and her relationship. I tell him we kissed. I tell her the night after that I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend tells me to pick him or her. Now most people say that it is an easy pick. But I have longed for a lesbian relationship for soooo long. that when this happened its like something in me snapped. I think about her all the time. I can't get her out of my head. I keep telling myself it's nothing but "puppy love" and that after a while I will be able to move past this. Work on things with my boyfriend and we have have a good relationship. But then I think am I settling? Am I going for what is convenient? Because I have this pain in my chest when I think about not talking to her and hurting him. I know this is a lot. But I have so many thoughts and feelings that I can't sort through them all. I really need help on what is going on with me. Can someone help me please? PLEASE?
Hi, IamNot. If you're bi, I think the question might not be "lesbian relationship" versus "straight relationship." It's about how happy you are in your current relationship. Your boyfriend sounds like an amazing guy, but he could be the most perfect, attentive, loving guy in the world and he still wouldn't be the right person for you if you're not in love with him. Are you attracted to him? Do you love him? Do you want this relationship with him -- not because he's great with your daughter, not because he has a car, but because you two are amazing together? It's not uncommon to have small crushes on other people while in a committed relationship, but you're considering leaving your boyfriend for someone you've only known for a few weeks. Did this happen because something is "missing" in your relationship? Why did you let it go so far? Did you deliberately not tell her you had a boyfriend, because you were hoping something would happen? You cheated on your boyfriend. That doesn't make you an awful person, but it does mean something. I'd suggest you think about why you did it -- that could help you decide where to go from here. Don't think about it as one relationship versus the other, because there's no guarantee it will work that way. Maybe even if you split up with your boyfriend, things won't work out with the girl you like. Think about it as whether your current relationship is worth continuing or not. How do you feel about your boyfriend? You talk a lot about material things and how the relationship is "good," but you said nothing about your feelings for him.
