Hiyah, I thought i'd toss this idea in, maybe someone was able to live this way. In my journey of self exploration, despite the suppression of society, I have had the opportunity to try many things, and came to a conclusion on what is up with me, and what I can do. Below is the short conclusion: - Girls : are exhausting. emotionally and sexually it wasn't fun ( the few times I did it, it was not fun at all ). - Guys : mostly vague. romantically I get excited, and i've had a 4 year relationship that was the best ever, but I couldn't duplicate the experience. i've attempted to have one night stands, but couldn't even get excited for that. In the end, my first relationship, is my last. it's not some sappy "he's the only one", but it was too traumatic and the end was inevitable . Apart from romance, I have some important things to do in life. I have people to take care of, and family issues to resolve. finding someone is pointless, it shouldn't be something to take any part of my life. I'm going back, deep in the closet, which is spacious and nice. Once my mission is done, I don't mind dying. i'm not suicidal, I just don't think life is ever going to be normal for me. the norm of getting married and having a family is not an option, it would be unfair to whatever creature ends up with me, unless she is a saint who doesn't mind that apparently I am asexual, which is the label i'm slapping on myself for the sake of being practical. I think I will live alone, mechanically solving a million problems, and when i'm done, I don't know if there will be a point to life. Thankfully, it seems resolving all the issues is going to take years even, so I don't need to think of anything except the task at hand. I'm very good at being cold and practical, I only changed when I met him, and since I did I have become a vulnerable sobby sap. No more. I thank you all for your support in my emotional times. I'm doing this my way now.
Hi there, Let me tell you, I relate to this completely. The last relationship I had was in 2010. And I haven't been out on more than a handful of dates since then. My mom lives with me. I help her financially. I think she will always need my help. So for years she's been my only company. I really don't think marriage is for me and I don't have or want any kids; steps children or other. I don't have any real life friends. Sure I have 'friends' on facebook but no friends in my day to day life. What few friends I have had always just disappear into the void. They get too busy and I guess I'm too boring and they move on and forget about me. Never fails. And I don't think I will ever really have the opportunity to make anymore. So, you see, I'm very uncertain of where my life is going. I feel like everyday is a huge waste of life. I only have this one life to live and everyday I'm doing nothing to make the most of it. And as I get older the years just fly by. And I think, wow, another year gone and I've done nothing memorable. I've not traveled any place, gone out for a night on the town with anyone, taken any pictures.. nothing. I think about my life a lot and all the reasons it isn't worth anything and might never be. I think of my past and thing, the best part of my life is already over. And it makes me so sad. However, if there is one thing I've learned in this life it's that anything can happen tomorrow. Tomorrow could be the start of a new relationship, be it with the love of your life, or a new friend that might bring about years of happiness. Tomorrow I could learn that rent is going up next year and I'll have to move, and in that move any number of things could happen. It's true, tomorrow could be the worst day of my life, but it could also bring about the best chain reaction and change my life for the better. I have been through, and done things that I never would have believed I would do if someone told me about it before hand. What I'm saying is - Hope. I know that sometimes hope can hurt. Be brave. Be brave enough to hope. Be strong and make the conscious effort to believe that tomorrow can bring with it any number of good things. I can't speak for you, but I know that a month ago my candle was not burning bright. It was barely a flicker, in fact. But everyday I tell myself that hope is free. And maybe hope will see me through. Something that helped me more then I can say - I took control of my mental health and found a doctor that is helping me. I'm on some meds that balance me out and I'm eating much much better and exercise as much as I can. This combination has helped me to see much more clearly. Maybe that could help you too. Please, don't give up. (*hug*)
