Hi, i feel that in order to not be treated differently or as a wierdo (i dont even kiss guys anymore as,at least i want to be true to myself) i put up walls to keep a distance when i make new friends etc... This ends up feeling very lonely as i change social groups when i feel they could start thinking about me as wierd.as a result i feel like i keep running away from myself and its making me very sad... I also feel like i make people like me so that maybe one day i like myself as i feel very unconfortable in my skin, mainly because of me being gay
Hi there! What you have described isn't all that uncommon. Oftentimes if someone is questioning their sexual orientation or still coming to terms with their sexual orientation, they will surround themselves with a wall meant to protect themselves. There is also perhaps the fear of 'I am feeling this way, but what happens if it doesn't turn out to be this way.' One way to start becoming comfortable with yourself, would be to trying to speak with someone, for example a counsellor in the community or at school (if you haven't had a chance to do so yet). Hearing yourself speaking about your feelings and attractions can help in making things more 'real,' and with the support/guidance and suggestions of a counsellor, help you to start becoming comfortable with your sexual orientation. Another thing that could help is not to define yourself as a 'weirdo.' Defining yourself as such can only add to your fears and isolation because you are re-enforcing the negatives. As hard as it could be at this stage, but maybe try to reinforce some of the positives of being you.
Thanks for taking the time to answer. Just one quick question, what do you mean exactly with "I am feeling this way but what happens if it doesnt turn out to be this way?"
Hi there! Oh, what I meant with it is that going through the process of acceptance, there will be moments where doubts about your feelings could pop up, until you fully accept your sexual orientation and are okay with it. Going through the discovery of our feelings and attractions can bring out a range of different fears, including will others be accepting, supportive. But seeking support, and trying to start building a support network around you, will help you to overcome some of the fears, and also change how you see yourself.
