After not having much to do with the girl I like for a few months, she invited me to a Halloween party. I said yes and then realised how awful I am at anything social. The only people who I know who will be there are my best friend, a girl I've only spoke to a couple of times in class, and the host. I know the names of a couple more people but basically I'm going to feel very, very out of it. I've liked this girl so much and for so long, and I thought we weren't going to see each other again so of course I'm delighted that I mean enough to her for her to think to invite me after all this time, but it also means I feel under a lot of pressure to make this chance count. My best friend is very much a part of their group, and they are a very physically affectionate group of friends, and very flirtatious with each other, so lots of opportunity for me to feel jealous, and I'm terrible at talking in that kind of setting. Unfortunately there won't be alcohol, as that usually helps me relax I wish I could forget about my crush on her and just get through it as I usually do with parties, but I like her a lot, I'd like us to at least be friends. How can I get it into my head not to expect anything from this party? That all that's going to happen is that I'll make some awkward small talk and then leave? I don't know how to act. I don't know what's appropriate and I'm getting nervous just thinking about it. I'll hate myself for not going if I don't go, and I do want to - I just hate all this extra baggage that will be coming along with me. I'm worried people will think it strange that I'm there at all. I can't help but wonder how much I'll be hating myself this time next week. I have depression and anxiety, and I'm very quiet, so I just need some advice on how to make the most out of this situation, I guess, and how to not expect too much out of it. Thank you :lol: (by the way, she is bisexual, and knows I am too - that's not really a problem)
Just take it one step at a time! Try not to think too far ahead. This always helps me in stressful situations, because if I do think far ahead I start to get overwhelmed too. You don't have to make this time count if you're not feeling comfortable! Maybe that conversation should be left for a different time. Once you get there, you don't have to talk a lot if you don't feel like you want to say anything. Usually in groups bigger than 4 or 5, you could just listen the whole time, and only answer questions directed at you, and no one will notice (except for maybe your best friend) because they are so wrapped up in being together with everyone, including you!
Thanks for your message, it's nice to know someone is listening. The reason I feel I have to make the time 'count' is because we aren't in the same classes at college anymore, and I'm scared I'm going to miss the chance to get closer to her as a friend. We smile at each other in the corridor but haven't had a conversation for ages, and I really miss her at this point, I'm not looking to date her or anything. I just want us to be friends and I don't know how to make that happen, although surely she wants to keep in contact too or she wouldn't have invited me?
Maybe you could think of some talking points before you go? Just something to have up your sleeve that you don't have to think of on the spot? I have a hard time in social situations as well, so it helps me to review a few news articles, think of a few stories about my week, pick a couple of things to talk about from some TV shows I follow, etc... then I usually feel a bit more confident. As far as keeping in contact with her, maybe you could follow up with her after the party. You could send her a text/fb message to let her know that you had fun, and maybe invite her to go do something with you (or with you and a few friends?).
