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Please help. I need someone, please.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by CelloTheCat, Oct 30, 2015.

  1. CelloTheCat

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    Hey EC. It's been a while. I really wished my next one of these could've been a "Thanks to everyone for all the amazing support, I'm doing a lot better now." See, right now I'm crying and contemplating whether or not I want to kill myself tonight. I'm so sad, and angry, and scared, and I need help so fucking bad. I don't know where else to go.

    If you could ever promise me that after death all there was, was nothingness, the only reason I would give a second thought to suicide is because I don't want to hurt anyone. I honestly can't remember the last time I lived for me because I wanted to. I hate myself. I feel like such a fucking waste.

    You have no idea how much I wish I could say I completely believed heaven and hell were bullshit, but I can't. The moment I learned what suicide was I was told that those people went to hell, same with homosexuality. I feel like I'm the worst "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. Apparently, if I live my life the way I want to, I get shunned by society and go to hell. Or, if I want to live a lie, I go to heaven and get to continue living that lie. I could also end it all, but I guess that lands me in hell too.

    In 13 years, I have had a single person who I've ever opened up to, and I've never even seen his face before. He's my best friend, yet we talk maybe once a week through Skype. Everything I care about fades away, he will too, he already is. Then there won't be anything.

    Please help me. I don't want to die yet, but I just don't see any other options. Please.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey I am sorry you feel that way but I promise it will get better. I know you have probably heard it before and probably don't think it's true but you are young and feeling like you don't fit in as a teenager can be really tough because a lot of you situations aren't that flexible. Ending your life really isn't the answer though.

    Have you ever spoken to a therapist? Is there someone at school you can speak to?
    When you feel as bad as you do, it is easy to give out the energy that you don't want to speak to people and that is often what makes people fade away rather than the fact they don't want to talk to you.
     
  3. Spot

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    Hey CelloTheCat (*hug*)
    I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I myself have struggled with suicidal thoughts and what I always tell myself, although it may not seem true right now, is that things will get better. It may be stormy now but it never rains forever! You might want to take a look at this if you haven't already: Empty Closets - Religion and Homosexuality Do you see a therapist? I find that it helps to be able to talk about my feelings (EC was a great start :slight_smile:) You could also talk to the school guidance counsellor. My guidance counsellor was the first person I ever came out to. I was so nervous that my face kept twitching lol But she said that she's heard everything before and she won't tell anyone unless you're in danger of hurting yourself or others. I found this list for you: http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/little-things-that-will-instantly-make-your-day-better#.av6KgqKD6

    These places can also help:
    Lifeline
    The Trevor Project
    IMAlive | An Online Crisis Network
    GLNH.ORG

    I hope you feel better soon, you can post a message on my wall if you want. I'm here basically every day lol :grin:
    “I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." -Hafiz

    (*hug*)
     
  4. CelloTheCat

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    Thanks a ton to both of you. Unfortunately, therapy isn't an option. I should've mentioned this is the post, sorry about that. I'm homeschooled and, as far as I know, my parents won't allow therapy.

    Thanks again, though. These made me smile.
     
  5. AllisOne

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    In times like these it's good to just be able to talk and have someone listen to you. The only thing I can say for sure is when you make it through this rough patch is one day you'll be able to share how you got through this with someone in a similar situation your in right now. So live to be you and grow into an even better you so one day you can pay it forward. I hope this helps some what =)
     
  6. kageshiro

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    You're so incredibly brave for coming forward about this, I just want you to know that. Also know that you are never ever ever alone in dealing with this and that death is NEVER the solution, no matter the problem. You have so much to live for, don't lose sight of it. You're 13 and have not yet lived to see so many of the wonderful things life has to offer. What are your Interests, what are the things that keep you going when you feel depressed? Focus on those, I know you want to live, you admitted it yourself. All of the countless reasons that you have to forget about suicide and live the best life you can, are right in front of you, even if its hard to see them right now. I understand this, and I think we all feel like that from time to time. But please realise its just a temporary mindset encouraging a permanent solution to temporary problems. Keep fighting, friendo, it will pay off, and don't forget, we're all behind you, when its too tough to carry on alone
     
  7. Xanesa21

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    Hey!
    Don't give up girl. I know that i'm just strange person for you but i'm sure you will get better. Suicide is not an option. I feel really sorry that you feel this way. You're for sure an amazing person and i think everyone of us had some problems in their lifes.

    Gosh i don't know what to say to make you feel better. I just want you to know you're not alone. Even if we are just strangers from the internet we wan't to support you (well i want to).

    Just smile girl! Everything will be great you just need some time.

    Hugs!
     
  8. CelloTheCat

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    I'm not going to reply anymore because I don't want this being bumped up too much more. Just...to everyone who has replied thus far (and if anyone replies after this, you too), it means a lot. I'm not going to say "I'm going to fight and win this, I know I will" because I'm just not in the right place to be able to say that. Still, it helps a lot to know that people who have never even met me would take time out of their day just to keep me alive. So seriously, thank you. I think you're all really awesome people.

    Have a great day/night/morning. (*hug*)