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Getting things off my chest

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by curiousmind, Oct 31, 2015.

  1. curiousmind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hello everyone! I'm sure not many people will read this but I just need to get my feelings out of my head for once. I'm not out and I don't have any gay or bi friends to talk to so I'm just gonna let it out here. As far back as I can remember I've been bisexual. I remember figuring this out a very long time ago and it's something I've hid from my friends and family for just as long. I'm not ashamed of myself and to a certain extent I've come to terms with my sexuality. I'm just extremely terrified at the thought of people knowing and me putting myself out there. But today, at this moment, the entire reason I'm here is because I think I'm in love with a guy... This has never happened to me before. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a bad thing but it's just been a very long time since I remember feeling this way about anyone and for it to be a guy is different to me. I've dated women my whole life and I've been "in love" a few times but I know how it feels and this is it. For me though, my curiosity about being with a man has always been just fantasies or a passing thought and they are usually sexually driven. Feelings never come into play. I usually just think "damn he's hot" and move on but with him its different. I find myself just smiling at the thought of him, I love seeing him smile and hearing him laugh. Just seeing a text in my inbox from him makes me feel 10X better about my day. I like being around him and our personalities and senses of humor play off each other. But then come the issues... I'm not out and to my knowledge he's straight. I do have my doubts though. He's said and done some things that have made me think otherwise but he's also done things that have made it painfully obvious that he's 100% straight. I really just want to tell him how I feel about him and hope for the best just to get it over with and I'd be fine with the feelings not being mutual. But what I am truly afraid of is him rejecting me and me losing him as a friend. As I'm writing this the thought of it is making me tear up a bit. I'd rather continue to be his friend while being hopelessly in love with him without him knowing rather than lose him as a friend because I can't keep my feelings at bay. Here lately we haven't hung out as much as we used to and at first it was because of me. I tried to cut him loose so that I wouldn't keep feeling this way. I began to miss being around him so I started trying to hang out with him again but now it seems like he's pushing me away. I don't know what to do anymore.
     
  2. iamdesperate

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Turkey (won't tell the city tho)
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I have the same situation as you minus bisexuality. I am totally gay and upto this year i was proud of myself for not having actual crushes but now i just have a crush to someone that i guess 90% is gay, he hasnt dated any gals, some friends think he is totally gay, he is pretty feminine for str8 boy, no offense to masculines that reads this.
    Having a crush just makes things harder for people. At least youre bi so you can have a chance with girls, but it is kinda hard for me as a closeted gay.
     
  3. curiousmind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I haven't had a crush like this since I was a child and I've always hated that feeling. By the time I was a teenager if I ever developed a crush on a girl I would straight up tell her but this is totally different. I don't know what to do and it's driving me crazy. Thanks for your reply by the way. It's nice to know I'm not alone.