i hate myself

Don't hate yourself. (&&&)

You deserve love, and it might be hard now, but you have to stay positive. It might seem hard now, but there are people out there that don't care whether you're gay or straight or bi or whatever. If your friends judge you, then they aren't your friends. Friends should accept you for you, especially since it's something that you can't change.

As for your family, it's hard to change their minds if they're homophobic, but when you do come out, just realize that they might need time to get used to the fact.

You deserve happiness! Be yourself.

 

Firstly, I second what stevefs said completely. He put it well.

I'll add my bit too.
It's not unusual to feel bad about your sexuality at first. It may take some time to accept and embrace who you are, but it's time and effort that is totally worth it- and you deserve it.

Being gay is completely normal and natural- every bit as normal as being straight. I'm sure it's not the same totally accepting that and just hearing it from me, but it's true. Loads of gay people and people of any sexuality end up leading amazing lives; even if there are obstacles in the way, you have every ounce of strength to overcome them even if you don't see it where you are now. You're stronger than you think.

I know you feel isolated right now. It can feel really lonely being gay, especially if almost everyone you see around you are straight and "normal" (but just remember that you're every bit as normal as they are. They are naturally attracted to some people and not others, you are naturally attracted to some people and not others. It's all fine) It'll take some time, but there are many ways you can feel less lonely about this. Even if you are scared about your friends and family right now, it's healthy to have support and to know that you aren't alone in all this. First of all, I'd suggest EC (and you're already here, horray ), if nothing else. It's definitely a very safe option especially if you don't have any else where you are. In case you do though- see if you can find any local GSA or LGBT+ groups. If you don't want to be out, you can go to GSAs as a straight ally or supporter- or you can just explain it that way if anyone asks. You don't necessarily have to be out at all. Just being part of those groups can ease your loneliness a bit, because you are far from being alone in any of this. It might seem hopeless now and I totally understand if you have worries about your friends' and family's reactions. But as said already, friends who turn away from you because of this aren't your real friends, and you'll find better people down the road. On the brighter side, people are becoming more and more educated and accepting. I guarantee you that there are great people who will support you and love you for who you are as you deserve to be loved- whether that be your friends now, or maybe future friends you'll meet down the road. If you do lose some friends coming out, I know it might hurt. But you deserve better than them, and you will find better than them.

Parents might be an issue, I understand completely. However there are a lot of parents out there who start off homophobic, but slowly educate themselves and become great allies- however impossible it might seem. There is hope, I promise you. Even if worse comes to worst, you will still make it through. There will always be support, and one day you will have your own family. A wife, kids if you want kids, pets if you want pets, you have many, many opportunities for a happy life. I know, it might seem very far fetched right now. But the situation you're in at the moment is temporary. Keep doing your best and one small step at a time. Even if there are difficulties that come along with being gay, accept yourself first, and know you'll make it through. Like I say a lot, in the long run you will be happiest when embracing and being yourself. You have no responsibility whatsoever to be with a guy. It isn't abnormal at all for you to have 0 interest in them or don't want to be with one.
This is not your fault, and it was never your choice to make. There isn't a single thing wrong with your sexuality. Don't ever blame yourself for it or think you owe anyone anything because of this.

Take your time with the self acceptance. Try and be part of the LGBT+ community if you can in some way or another, expose yourself to some healthy gay media, normalize it and be part of some happier things. It's so cliched- but try not to dwell on the bad thoughts. They might be there, but they're not going to define or predict your life.