Hi all, The tl;dr of my life for the last half year is that I'm out as bisexual to two of my female housemates. I am male. It took a lot of work to figure out what I am: bisexual but far gay (but its easier to condense right). Problem: I'm phobic of homophobia. I constantly look out for homophobic people as when I'm out I literally will not be able to take it. It will cripple me. The idea of gay jokes in general doesn't bother me, them directed at me is another thing (as in, comedians will find a joke anywhere and whilst it can be too close to the bone for the comfort in some cases, at least you can watch it and not feel like they are pointing there finger directly at you) Bassiccallly, how do I stop caring. There is this really cute guy in my ignorantly homophobic/ liberal but VERY straight fencing club. But he is probably straight... And his Facebook has a picture of him kissing a guy but it is ambiguous as the whether is it passionate or just straight banter. The embarrassing thing it is a stereotypical teenage crush (BTW I'm 21...) But I just care too much. And saying 'people who matter won't mind' doesn't help, since I LIKE PEOPLE. I just LIKE SOCIALISING....
Sounds like you are experiencing a cognitive dissonance caused by differences in your own personal perspective. While you are comfortable with your sexuality when looking at yourself through your own eyes, when you look at yourself through societies eyes you become overly sensitive to their judgments. The cure for this is to face your fears head on. Tell your club members that you are gay. Watch how the guy you like reacts. People know when someone likes them. If he likes you back he will probably give you an opening and you can take it from there. If not, move on and try again somewhere else. This isn't really about caring less, it's about having the courage to move forward regardless.
