I just feel like everything seems to go wrong in life. I don't have many friends. I've never been in a romantic relationship. I have never even been kissed. I have severe Tourettes, OCD, ADHD, and depression, a combination that makes living really difficult. I have a family that doesn't understand, a dog that needs to lose weight, and a cat that won't behave. My meds aren't working, my clothes are hideous, and the book I am writing is going nowhere. I feel like I am being pulled in a zillion directions. And on top of that I just found out that I probably need surgery because it is very likely have a cyst above my buttcrack, of all places. I feel as if I'll always be alone and I honestly I'm not sure what if I am the reason I am alone or if it's just because I don't like other people. In fact I hate most people. I can name about 20 people I like. The rest are assholes, deep down. They are annoying, giggling, superficial, and selfish and I cannot stand them and it is painful to be around them. I don't understand why God would make all these crap come down on me when I know very well that he can fix me and I wonder if he even gives a crap or if maybe he even hates me because I'm bi or maybe I'm like the devil's child or something. Why else would he be punishing me? What the hell do I do with my life?(Sorry for the rant)
First of all, I'm sorry for all you are going through. I can definitely relate to struggling with mental illnesses: I have been severely depressed for over a year and think I might have Borderline Personality Disorder. I alternate between between really liking people and hating them in general. I'm also fairly spiritual so I've had that reaction to God at points as well. It's hard. What I have come to learn is that God has given us free will ultimately because he loves us. There are consequences, but we aren't just robots following an ordained path. This I know, God can create good out of bad. He is there with and He does care. I am in no way trying to convert you to any religion, but just wanted to share my personal experience. If it wasn't for God, I probably would've committed suivide by now.
(*hug*) While I can't understand having to deal with mental illnesses, except maybe slight depression (never diagnosed, no suicidal thoughts), I do understand how frustrating it must be for you. I too am a writer and, sometimes, it helps to just write. Just write and write and write about nonsense. Get everything out. As for your family, there are people out there who care about you, me included. You are not alone. I know it may feel depressing, but your family will come around. I also hate most people, but you don't have to hang out with them. Stick to your friends. People can be rude and mean and annoying, but you don't have to hang out with those people. While I don't personally believe in God, I know that if there is one, he would not punish you. You are a kind, smart, wonderful person and you definitely are NOT the devil's child. People care about you. You friends, your family. Even if they may not show it, they care. You may feel worthless and horrible and like everything is falling apart, but it is all for something. All this pain and suffering will make you strong. So hang in there (*hug*)