I came out to my sister, then parents, friends, and on National Coming Out Day I posted to Facebook. I've have nothing but support from friends and colleagues, it's been great. But now it feels like it's taken the only excuse stopping me from having sex and relationships away. All but my own confidence and lack of experience. The health condition I have has until very recently left me with no libido, so I've not had any impetus to experiment since I was much younger. I really don't know what to do next, I am still not really comfortable with my sexuality or dating, I want to push myself forward but I am scared and I don't feel like anyone would be attracted to me. Has anyone else been in this situation?
There's nothing that says comming out obliges you to have sex and relationships. I have a friend that came out a few years ago and is still very sexually inactive, and he doesn't really have a desire to date at this point. I came out a year ago, and in doing so, I surrendered my biggest complex and insecurity: being gay. I quickly learned to embrace it and love that part of me. Most of my other insecurities fell to the side after I came out also, because I was just able to accept and love myself for who I am. If you don't feel anyone will feel attracted to you, trust me, it's not true. Take care of yourself, be clean, dress reasonably well and you will be physically attractive to plenty of guys. However, attitude and confidence are what are most attractive. It sounds cliché to say that, but it's so so true! Make a list of everything that makes you attractive and interesting and read it to yourself as many times as it takes for you to believe it! That said, take your time... there's no calendar of deadlines for these things in live. You need to do what makes YOU happy.
I know that, but I want to, I want to do these things, but I guess I don't know how to move forward... I feel embarrassed too... I don't know where to start.
Embarrassed about what exactly? The fact that you don't have much experience ? We've all got to start somewhere. Seriously, it's never been a problem for me. People don't care that much about experience. You don't have to tell guys right off the bat that you don't have any experience. If they ask you, be truthfull, but if not you can wait to get to know them and trust them first. If you look like you take care of yourself, dress reasonably well, and can be good company to a guy, the rest isn't really of concern... The fact that you have decided you want to move forward is already half the battle won. Now just go for it. There are great dating sites and apps (I won't tell you which ones, because it's against the rules). Just chat with guys without putting any pressure on yourself. Just be yourself. You'll get comfortable with it rather quickly... I did.
I guess I am embarrassed by the idea that someone I know sees me, I dunno, I just feel really insecure about myself I guess.
I don't know if it helps to know you're not alone but I feel exactly the same way. I want to date and be close to people but I'm sooo insecure and I lack confidence in every department. I think the only solution is to work on yourself beforehand. Find out where your low confidence/insecurity stems from and find ways to love yourself. The more you spend time on yourself the easier it is to be with others I think.
Klix, It sounds cheesy, but one thing I found helps is to look up a photoblog of gay couples. That's what I did... It helped me not just realize, but feel deep down inside that love between two people of the same sex is no less beautiful than love between straight couples. Even though I knew in my mind that there was nothing abnormal about being gay, I felt embarrassed and insecure about it until I saw tons of pictures of normal gay couples and realized how beautiful it all was and I wanted that for my own life. Comming out of the closet is the other thing that helps you shed the shame and embarassement... Only you know if you're ready to do that. For you to be able to do that, you have to be ok with your sexuality yourself. Once I came out to my friends and family, I considered it wasn't a secret anymore... after that, whoever finds out about it, finds out... no big deal. At this day in age, people really don't care about your sexual orientation... trust me, they don't. Lastly, I wasn't even out of the closet when I started dating a guy for the first time. It was dating that guy that made me realize that being with another guy felt so right and made me realize that I felt no shame in it... I came out to my friends two weeks later.
I feel you here. I've been "out" for a long time - as in, most everyone knows. However, I don't post about it or tell random people. For me, waiting this long has created a monster - kind of the opposite of what you're experiencing. I feel that I deserve a genuine, nice & attractive guy. I see couples out there and think "they seem so cute/good/nice" etc. All that I ever find is either someone who is 100 years older than me or really really really creepy. We all have our issues and have to take time to find out how to work on them.
