Everyone always seems to say what a savior meds can be, but I'm having a hard time seeing this... I’m not sure where to begin, but I’ve been fighting some pretty bad depression for many years now, and finally decided to try another SSRI, Lexapro, and 3 days in, and the side effects seem pretty horrible, as in it is almost hard to function. I feel very dizzy, and it’s like there’s this pressure in my head/temples, I have TMJ and my jaw/facial pain feel worse, and I also have this blank/depersonalized feeling. My vision also seems off, blurry, and just weird. That, and I feel a bit nauseous. Many years ago, I tried some of the earlier SSRIs (Prozac, Paxil), with very similar results, and people are saying how after so many years of talk therapy, I should give them another go, but I’m not sure I can really take this, if it goes on much longer. I also feel very blank, and it’s hard to think; I feel lethargic, and well, a lot worse. I’ve tried some other meds in the past (Wellbutrin, some of the tricyclics, with similar results). I know this takes time to ‘take effect’ (like 2-4 weeks), and some of the side effects are supposed to go away but this is pretty disheartening, even on a low dosage. Anyway, I just don’t feel like myself, and am more jumpy and anxious than usual. I didn’t think these side effects would be this harsh. I have an appointment to see the psychiatrist who prescribed these in 3 weeks, though I’m not sure I’ll last that long, unless things get better. I wanted to feel good, not like this… It’s hard to get in touch with the Dr., I have found, when I call, so I dunno what to do…and, it’s hard even to get there, as I have no car, and it costs a lot to take a cab. I had an accident in May, and have not been able to afford to get a new car, and can’t drive as a result. That, and I’ve used all my leave-time at work. ~ I see a talk therapist once a week on Saturdays, and that helps, I eat a vegetarian diet, and try to walk each day for exercise. But with this stuff, I just feel like a lifeless blob. I’ve read that some people just don’t respond well to these drugs, and maybe I’m one of them, plus, reading about them, it seems like the SSRI/SNRI side effects are all very, very similar---which gives me pause. No sexual side effects yet, but that’s also a worry. I feel even worse, and more depressed, like nothing will help. Everything feels muffled and distant, and it’s like I care even less about living. It’s like those song lyrics by Lloyd Cole: “When am I ever going to kick the curse? I took my medication I feel worse Swimming is easy when you're stuck in the middle of the Mississippi All you have to do is crawl” I wish I was one of those people who could say how much meds help me, but the times I’ve tried, this is what happens…and yet, I feel like I need help, but I can’t seem to manage to pull myself back up from this latest depression. Part of it is having a 5 hour commute, the inability to find closer work or be able to afford to live closer in the pricey DC area I work in, not making enough money, horrible credit, no assets (like a home/car), not having a career that has any real meaning/creativity, getting older, and just losing hope that there’s time to turn things around. I had hoped one day to be able to have a family, adopt kids, have a little house and all, but it seems to be slipping away, and I’m losing all hope. I have a BA in English, I was born in 1968, I’m in the age group of males where the suicide rate is going way up, and I can kinda see why: I had such big ambitions, and wanted to matter, to do something important, and I just feel like a failure, and even a failure as to taking meds and doing therapy. Not sure what to do, Thanks for listening, ~H. Pup
How long have you been taking these SSRIs? It usually takes 2-8 weeks for you to finally get the full effects of the SSRI med. I'm sorry about the side effects you're experiencing. If after such time it's still not working, your psychiatrist should definitely be contacted. As for everything else, you're not a failure. Far from it. You can still do great things, but you have to strive toward your goals instead of staying within the contemplating phase. What is it that you want to do in your lifetime?
Dude, 5 hours commute and bad credit are a huge stone you are carrying. Been there, waking up at 4 am and coming back home at 11 or even midnight, working like a fool and being hungry for two months. No chances to even get a miserable credit. Some days I was so damned hungry and exhausted I was desperately trying not to collapse. So... Find a new place to live or change your job. And at the risk of getting banned, I have to tell you that imho all those pills are only going to make it all worse. If you read on that little neat booklet that comes with the poison, you'll find all the side effects described. Besides, there is a potential for becomming addicted to the junk. I think you've got enough problems now... Nobody is going to cure you. Same as nobody is going to give it to you for free. The good news is that if you want to get out of this, you can, and you don't need anyone or anything, but to let fear go. Look, you and me, we are going to die anyways, so there is nothing to lose. Probably you have to try a new approach. The sickness is not you, it's just an object inside of you, a parasite you need to kill, or at least to put on a cage. It's you who is in control of your own emotions, and ny therapist that tells you otherwise or starts with those 'you need...' is just another businessmn trying to rip you off. And if this gets me banned, I sincerely hope you had at last time to read it. You don't deserve to feel this way. And if you are a failure with a BA in english, then god help me... Nobody is a stadistic. They need us to believe that crap for the same reason they need us to believe in all the rest of the bullshit : To rip us all off, to kep us low, unhappy, anxious and dependent. I say : Fuck that. And fuck them.
It's only been a few days, this time, but the effects are really horrible, it's hard to explain. I would most like to write poetry, that is where my passion is, but you can't really make a living at that...so I have never been able to decide a practical thing I'd like to do, that would pay the bills. I write some fiction, as well, but it's very hard to make money, as a writer. So I feel lost. I do write, and try to think of how to market myself, but it's hard. People don't really seem to want to read literary fiction/reality based stuff, these days. I'd like to try YA fiction, but I'm not at all into Harry Potter type stuff, and what seems to be so popular. That, and with my long commute, and work, I don't have a lot of time, and even less energy. That's a big part of this: lack of time and energy to 'do' what means something... @Michael: No worries, I see your points, and they have been ones that I've struggled to 'live'. And I think those pills may be a huge mistake...I mean, I feel like some kind of Zombie, I can't imagine trying to write in this state. That, and I hate the idea of having to depend on them, and depend on always having a dr to dole them out, and all that. A talk therapist I don't mind, it's better than a movie, and costs the same on my insurance, at least. Also, I can't see where they'd ban you for your opinions; after all, may studies show SSRIs have no more effect than a placebo.
You are not a failure! (*hug*) There are so many things you have that others would kill for! It's easy to realize we're not going to accomplish everything we though we would as we get older, but that's not always such a bad thing. Just because things turned out different doesn't mean they have to be bad. What are your partners thoughts on that, anyway? He should be one of your main pillars of support. What of friends and family? And yes, those sound like pretty standard side effects. Some will go away or recede after a few weeks, but if you find it unbearable and making things significantly worse, you might want to talk about that with your doctor. People try different combinations before finding one that's tolerable, or you might be better off without them, but I wouldn't jump ship just yet, since you've just started and seem to need it. It's also important to remember that drugs and therapy might be able to help you, but won't solve your problems like some magic genie. There's still work on your end to be done, and like with anyone else, life is going to knock you down a few times. They're there to give you tools and support for tackling those problems. It seems like you're doing the rights things, though, so don't stop.
I've been on Lexapro for several years. They make me feel so much better. The way you feel is similar to how my sister felt. They don't work for everyone. She ended up trying Effexor and it helped.
Thanks for your thoughts and input, they are indeed appreciated. My partner has been very supportive through this, and certainly a great comfort, as has my cat. My partner also agrees that this may not be the best path, after seeing me though the week, but I am getting ahead of my story. As for friends, those in 'real life' have expressed doubts over such a medicated route; as for those online, it's been a mixed bad, but all have been helpful in getting though a generally rough patch in life. My family: That is complicated; I've seen my parents only 3 times in the past decade: we talk often on the phone, they are accepting, indeed were the only ones to witness our wedding, though there a certain distance, but this could be an entirely different post. In any event, I tried to ride the week out as best I could, but it grew too difficult. Two things that impacted this are the following pre-existing conditions: 1. TMJ/Jaw/facial pain. This became much, much worse. 2. Visual problems caused by Keratoconus, a thinning of the cornea which I've not been able to find adequate correction for. One of my eyes is 20/400, the other, 20/40; glasses are only of benefit to the better eye, and both are light sensitive. The condition creates blurred vision, halos around lights, and light sensitivity on its own; with the additive effects of this drug, it became worse. I type by enlarging the screen resolution, but I can't do that with everything, obviously, so there is a problem. If I could afford to, I'd have a corneal transplant in the right eye; I need to save at least $1,000 for the co-pay, plus have a month of leave to recover, give or take. But it's the only real option, for that eye, and, of course, fuels anxiety, and also squinting, which in turn fuels tense facial muscles and pain. But in time, I shall undergo this procedure. ~ Though I felt relatively decent Friday morning, my state again deteriorated after the ingestion of another of those antidepressant preparations which I had last ingurgitated some 26 hours earlier: a few hours later, I was too dizzy to properly work in the library stacks, without having to sit down at odd intervals; my vision again became worse, in terms of acuity and glare. Also, my temples, neck and head throbbed with an unpleasant, almost electric pressure, and my neck and jaw felt as stiff as they have in what, I say with no fear of exaggeration, would be many years, in addition to being in a good deal of pain. By this point, the day had grown too late to phone my physician, so upon returning home, I took two tablets of Valium (prescribed), drank copious amounts of water, took a hot bath, and then, collapsed to sleep in a rather exhausted condition. Upon awakening, I felt much more myself again, and after a session with Robert (my talk therapist) on the subject, decided that changes needed to be made. As these are 10 milligram tablets, scored down the center, I took half of one instead. This seemed more prudent that stopping them abruptly, and has indeed proven more easy to tolerate. I sincerely believe certain people are more sensitive to this class of serotonin manipulating elixirs, and perhaps, more sensitive to life in general, whether sensory stimuli, or the multiform stresses of living in general. Thus, given the impact on my already precarious vision, and my TMJ, on Monday I will phone the doctor to see what steps to take: either take 5 milligrams and see what that does, or, to simply stop taking them. Also, I feel less sexual; later, I shall see if I am able to masturbate and ejaculate to satisfaction, and note the results. So I may not be able to take this patent-medicine pathway. One would like to concede that some or other of these SSRI/SNRI medicines work for all people, and I'll give this a fair try, but it's also true one must yield to reality when the side effects are such that one can hardly function. I'm OK now, and feeling coherent. My aim is to continue to eat healthily, get more exercise, learn to relax, and resume acupuncture, which did help a great deal in the past; it may be this path will prove the more prudent for me to trod. And thanks for reminding me I'm not some total failure; as the eldest male, I suppose one may be prone to this notion. I've started to read another novel by the estimable Thomas Mann: Doctor Faustus. From the very first chapters, this is an impressive tome. I'll have to say this is an author in whom I've found much to admire. If you wish to give your brain and soul some exercise, please read Thomas Mann; I'd love to talk to anyone who has. Thanks for listening, ~H. Pup
Just a quick note, it's not clear whether you have done so or not, but... tapering off medication (And especially SSRIs) should be done under a doctor's supervision. So for example in this instance, if you haven't already, you should tell your psychiatrist that you'd like to explore options to not taking the medication, and he/she can tell you things to look out for, and how to taper off and for how long, and so on. Send your psychiatrist an email or call him/her if you haven't done so already so you can discuss this because your psychiatrist is just there to support you.
Starting new SSRIs always comes with a warning (see in the small print) that feelings of anxiety etc can feel much worse initially in the first week or so and these feelings ought to improve after time. If things are really not good, it may be that this med is not suited and you should talk to your doctor about the dosage - or trying another.
Hi HuskyPup - I'm only a year younger than you and, like you, I have a BA in English. I actually worked in the university library all through college - I think I even sort of remember how the Library of Congress system works (Dewey Decimal just gives me a headache). I went into college wanting to be an engineer, but that didn't work out - so here we are. I don't have any experience with meds and their use in depression, so can't really address that part of your post. But I wanted to take a moment to talk to the part above. First off, I've seen enough of your posts on EC to confidently say that you've helped a lot of people here, either with knowledge and experience gained through your life or by being a kind and friendly voice offering support. Those actions matter, whether they ease the pain someone else is feeling or move them away from self-harm or even suicide. They matter a lot and you are doing something important. On a more general note, there are any number of charities in the world that could always use another helping hand and a bit of time. Even if you can't afford to throw money at them, perhaps you can donate a bit of time now and again - and that also matters and is also important. While not as dramatic as finding a cure for cancer or something - these actions also count, and count for quite a lot when you get down to it. Secondly, I would argue that you can still achieve your dreams - but it may take a bit tweaking around the edges. The DC area is hugely expensive based on everything I've heard - perhaps moving to an area with a lower cost of living would go a long way toward helping with issues of commuting, being able to afford treatments and eventually a car, etc.? I realize that is probably not something you and your partner can do instantly - but it costs nothing to do research and start making a plan - and sometimes having a goal to work toward, even if you know it will take years to get there, can be very helpful. Focusing on the future, and making steady (even if slow) progress toward it, can often help with not dwelling on current difficulties (in my experience). Third, and going back to the issue of degrees and jobs - like I said, I have a BA in English - and I have worked for three Fortune 500 companies now, based entirely on my ability to write coherently. Whether it's instructional design, or technical writing or the like - there is reasonable money to be had in being able to string a sentence together. Even just proofreading papers for university students might bring in a bit of extra money. I didn't come out of college meaning to get into this field (I just got the degree because I was good at it and liked to read and wanted to finish college after 3yrs of trying and failing to make any progress toward getting an engineering degree). I just kind of fell into it after becoming a call center rep after doing a major move across the country with the help of my best friend. Life wasn't working where I was, so I ended up going elsewhere. I spent several years working in retail management making a tiny amount of money for very long hours. I've had major credit problems (I was on a first name basis with people in the collections departments of several companies) and had my car repossessed - twice. But I was able to 'change my stars' by going in a direction I never expected and dig out of all of that and now life (while not perfect) is pretty darn good. The point being that you might be surprised what you can find (and do) if you think outside the box. It may not be exactly what you originally planned - but it can still be very satisfying. Take care and if you ever want to talk, feel free to post to my wall. Best (*hug*) Todd P.S. - On a totally different note - I have some experience with self-publishing fiction, somewhat with stories I've written, but mainly assisting others with getting things put together and published on a couple of different platforms. The internet offers quite a number of resources in this area as well as online groups that can offer critiques and thoughts to help you improve your work. Again, if you'd like to chat about it just hit me up on my wall
I know how you feel. Ive been dealing with on and off anxiety and depression since 2012 and just now found the perfect combo of meds to make me feel better. I have never liked to take medications period as it makes me feel like Im not normal by having to take a medication daily just to function. Over this course of time Ive slowly begun to accept the fact that I need them. Ive tried just about every type of meds imaginable and currently take Lexipro as well as Hydroxyzine at night to get me to sleep. I usually have a high tollerance for drugs and have had no ill effects to this combination of meds. It could be that your dose is too high or it just might not be the right drug for you. Unfortunately finding whats best for you takes time. Most of these medications take weeks for them to be fully effective. Talk to your doctor if your side effects dont improve, but ultimately be patient.(*hug*)
Here are some thoughts on SSRI antidepressants and related issues. First, I'm not a huge fan of SSRIs. I see them mostly as a last resort when other options (talk therapy, herbal alternatives) haven't worked. Additionally, the best data I've seen is that their effectiveness is a bit iffy... only about 20-30% better than placebo according to most of the studies I've seen. That said, they are absolutely a lifesaver for many people, and can be incredibly helpful. Also, it is a very, very delicate balance getting the right dose/potency to get the desired effect and minimizing the side effects. Ideally, they basically take the edge off... they won't take the depression away, but dull down the "sharpness" of it just enough that you can begin to function again. At least, that's what most people describe. Too high a dose and the side effects are pretty miserable, and you can feel very "hollow" and numbed out. (Plus a bunch of other unpleasant side effects). Too low, and you see little to no effect. But hit it exactly right... and the results can be powerful. It's also worth noting that the non-specific effects (how the drug affects you, individually) are all over the map, and that's why different people with near-identical symptoms will respond completely differently to the same drug at the same dosage. And why prescribing SSRIs (or any antidepressant) is often a trial-and-error process. I have heard from many people, and a number of professionals, that Lexapro does often come with more side effects and less effectiveness than some of the others. Significant weight gain is a not-uncommon effect, as is the zombie effect. How much of this is dose-dependent, I don't know, but something to consider. And the prior comments about the time for the drug to really start working are also right on; typicially it takes 3-4 weeks to really begin to see a difference (and for your body to get used to the drug and minimize the side effects.) I have heard of a number of cases where, when Lexapro failed, Celexa or Zoloft was often more effective. Of course, again, this is entirely dependent on your body's non-specific effect. But it might be something to discuss with your psychiatrist if you continue to see less-than-satisfactory effects with Lexapro. Finally, some people that have had dismal results with SSRIs have found equal or better effectiveness with a combination of St. John's Wort, Gingko Biloba, and/or 5-HTP. All are over-the counter, and again, dose/potency and non-specific effect will mean trial-and-error to see if there's any benefit. This is something to discuss with an informed psychiatrist (of which, sadly, there aren't very many when it comes to the non-drug alternatives.) The studies on the supplements in treatment of depression are somewhat lacking and sketchy, but there are more than a few positive reports for all of the above, so they may be worth trying; very few, if any, side effects, and little to no toxicity. In any case, I wish you the best of luck. This is a problem you'll be able to solve. It will just take some time to find the right combination for you.
