I recently began seeing a therapist. I started seeing her specifically to have someone to talk to about my sexuality and she knows this (only because of the intake form - if not for that I'd probably still be working up the courage to tell her I'm questioning). I'm proud of myself for having taken this step but frustrated that I can't seem to open up to her. I have so many thoughts and feelings but when she asks me a question I clam up. I just can't help it. It's as if when I'm sitting in front of her, I panic in a way and can't even access my own thoughts and feelings. It's very frustrating because I want nothing more than to really open up to someone about all this and talk through my feelings. I'm not really sure what I expect to come of posting this. I just needed somewhere outside of my own head to acknowledge my frustration.
I haven't seen a therapist but I can totally imagine that happening to me. I don't recall your other posts but what if you copied the highlights or wrote out a list of concerns and printed them so you could just hand over the paper and let the therapist use it as a guide to start the conversation? You could title the paper "Things I need help with" if you have trouble explaining what it is. It might also help you organize your thoughts if that's all you need in order to get things started. In addition, you might find that taking notes during the session helps. So when she asks a question you don't have a spontaneous answer for, write it down so you can think about it either there or later and you can come back with an answer. Well done on getting this far.
I agree with writing it down. Alternatively just blurt out "...I'm frustrated that I can't seem to open up to you".. and see where the conversation goes. You'll surprise yourself!
Thanks for listening (reading). I think I'd feel funny about handing her a list but I think you're both right that making a list may be helpful. I'll try starting one for concerns that come up this week. As for grabbing the bull by the horns and just saying I'm frustrated that I can't open up - I think it's an excellent idea IF I can get myself to do it. It's something we've discussed, but only indirectly.
