This may need a trigger warning, it's (as you can see from the title) on the topic of self harm. There's not really any graphic descriptions, one sentence is a wee bit descriptive... I said that I wasn't going to do it anymore and I was proud of myself because I was feeling a bit better and hadn't done it in a long time. Then, today something just happened that pushed me over the edge. Someone who I consider a friend but that may be changing because I feel like she doesn't listen to me a lot or understand things, anyway she knows that I have severe social anxiety and when I was leaving class she made this comment about me not talking. She said it to someone else but loud enough so I could hear. I said something as a comeback and I don't even remember what I said but I know it was lame lol I didn't even really self harm because of what she said, it played a small role in why I did it. It was mainly because I had other stuff happening and I was depressed, I thought that she understood me. I guess what annoys me the most was that she said that she accepted me as trans but she still calls me female pronouns and my birth name, I thought things were going to change after I came out but I guess not. I just don't like that a lot of people say whatever they like about me and expect me not to say anything back because I have an anxiety disorder. Anyway, it wasn't just about what she said, I was having a bunch of problems but that really didn't help. trigger Then, at lunch I did "cut" I guess. They are cuts but they didn't go deep enough to bleed, they're like cat scratches. trigger end I feel really disappointed that I broke my promise to stop and I feel like I'm stuck in a bit of a cycle. I don't know how to stop but it doesn't seem like a big deal to me because I don't think I'm doing anything life threatening. I guess it could evolve to that if I kept doing it though. When will the cuts heal? They've stayed all day and I didn't expect them to :help:
Hey there, First off, no-one, not even your closest friends can define you, or judge you. It is quite wrong of her to call you female pronouns. whenever you are about to cut yourself, ask yourself,"Why am I doing this? What will I gain?" Distract yourself. Do you have any close friends? If yes, talk to them. Cry out. Vent out. Its okay to cry but self harm is not. I'm online most of the time. Feel free to drop a message. Get those cuts looked at. Go to a doctor. You said that you've been in depression. Have you tried a counsellor, if not please do. It really helps. As for your friend, maybe its not right to stay with her. Friends are supposed to be supportive, accepting. Unfortunately she does seem like one. Surround yourself with people who care about you. Thats what real friends are. I know all that sounds too mawkish, but hey its true. Hope this helps.
