Im clearly attracted to girls but I suffer from "femme invisibility". I am in the closet and never go out to gay clubs but i find myself soooo attracted to girls i meet everywhere: work, friends of friends, footbal...etc. The problem is im quite shy and most of the time the more im interested in someone the more i avoid eye contact (specially if its someone i have rarely spoken to). Today, for example, there is this girl im obsessed with, i dont really know she is gay but i just feel really attracted to her, i feel she looks at me quite a lot and today i proposed to myself to actually took at her whilst i was talking to someone else..etc. Basically look interested but i dont know where to take it from there. With all my crushes i feel that they must notice that i am clearly into them but then again they must assume im straight or just a wierdo. Please any advice is welcome i know this is tricky as its work but i might move jobs soon and this girl is just so damn hot i know i would regret it
As scary as it may sound your best bet may be to jump right in and strike up a conversation with her. You don't need to come out to her the very second you start talking, just say something like "Oh hey, I've seen you around but I've never got your name". Just start small talk like what classes she's taking (assuming you are both in college). I should point out I've never been in a serious relationship so you'll have to get answers from others for more experienced advice but I think just talking and introducing yourself is a good a start as any.
Hey guys thanks! I had only had small talk with her once on the lifts and she started it...the conversatin was short but friendly but nothing else apart from that...god i feel so stupid...
People are always mentioning rainbow jewelry or accessories. I don't like rainbow but I do have an old keychain fob which is a chubby little flip flop with a black and rainbow, rubber sole. I had that out one day and a cashier in a restaurant complimented it. It, not me. But it got noticed, so that's a start. I think if you could manage some eye contact, that would be a great start. If you can't think on the spot, practice something beforehand. Any of these will get you started: Hi. Do you know what time it is? I forgot your name, I'm "Princess Leia" (use your real name here). [hand out to shake] Is it time for a coffee break? I could use one, how about you? Try to imagine you just want to make friends. And since she's already started a conversation, you're ahead of the game. There's nothing weird about you talking to her now, so...
I agree that the rainbow accessories, if noticed, would attract her attention if she's gay/bi herself. She'll think it could mean something, without being sure. And if you're not comfortable being out, plenty of (mostly straight and cis) people will either not notice or just assume you like rainbows. And yes, the first step is just to get to talk to her a little more -- not necessarily know if she's gay, not necessarily flirt, but talk to her. Again Really's advice is spot-on, so I'm not going to add anything. Definitely start with being able to hold a conversation. You're shy, CL1990, and that's definitely an obstacle, but another is that you're completely in the closet. It's hard for two women to get together if neither knows the other is into women. Once you two are able to hang out and chat, if you're getting good vibes, one of you is going to have to say something, or it's just going to be silent glances for a long time. I was completely closeted when I met my SO, and they were the first person I came out to because I knew they needed to know I was bi before anything could happen.
Totally would not use my real name. I'd go with "Princess Leia". Wonder what she'd say. I'm going to try it one day.
