I feel like I can't tell my family anything at all about me which is weird because there supposed to be the ones that I can tell anything. Maybe "prehistoric" takes it too far but that's really how old their views seem. I'll just say that not all of my family is that bad but my mom, dad, brother, paternal grandmother and grandfather are all very well...outdated? I'm not sure if that's exactly the right word. My life is ruined because of this My dad is the absolute worst: sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic. I can say exactly everything that he's said but he's basically taught my little brother (he's 12) that women are terrible and that domestic violence and rape is a joke. So, I guess where that's where I first went wrong to him, I was born with a vagina :rolle: Once I was just asking what nationalities our ancestors were and he said something that I would expect a member of the KKK to say which I won't post in case any black people read this because I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings but that's the second thing that's wrong (to some of my family members): my crush is mixed and I'm too afraid to tell them about him...My mom says that if my brother or I came out as gay, he would still love us but he wouldn't be happy about it. He also doesn't see why gay people should get married, I'm pansexual Oh and apparently trans people can't change their gender no matter how hard they try and I'm transgender too. My mom doesn't really say many bad things except she assumes that every feminine man is gay and if I came out as trans then she said it would be like her child had died and she got a new one. She's also very big on gender roles which is annoying. I feel like she doesn't stop my dad from saying hurtful things and I sort of wish she'd divorce him and find a better husband. She's sexist too and it doesn't make sense to me why a woman wouldn't want women to have equal rights. I feel like she doesn't let me make my own decisions, I recently told her that I don't want to believe in God anymore and we drove past a church, she said "Do you think you would have been more religious if I made you go to church more?" She didn't influeunce it at all and I don't think it should matter if I'm religious or not anyway. My little brother...well, he's basically a copy of my dad. I hope he changes before he becomes an adult because I sort of feel sorry for him. My grandmother is homophobic, we're watching a discussion about gay marriage on TV and she says, "Oh, isn't it terrible!" And something else which I won't post in case it hurts someone. My grandfather just...I used to try and make him happy when I was younger but I've given up. When I was younger, every time I tried to do something with my brother he'd be like "Women belong in the kitchen" I've started trying to pass as male now since I discovered my identity, we had to go to a restaurant with him and his girlfriend. I wore my new bowtie and I binded, the entire time he was just giving me this look of disgust and it hurt but I guess it doesn't matter what he thinks anymore. There's so many things I want to tell them: I have a crush, I'm transgender, I'm pansexual and I also want to read the Quran at some point but I'm afraid they'll say something like, "OMG what are you doing?!", I want to get a job, maybe I'm considered becoming a Christian again (I'm searching for a religion that fits me)...I'm worried because my mom's freaking out because I won't tell her anything and I tell my therapist everythig but I don't want them to be mad :help:
I feel you, and can relate a lot to what you've said. My family, too, has many "prehistoric" ideals about gender roles, and "proper" sexuality (aka only monogamous hetero-normativity). I can't tell you the times that my dear mother has reminded me of a woman's role that I'm to fill. How women are subordinate to men, and their purpose is home and baby making. How I'm to be an example to my little sister. Regardless of how I feel about all that, I must take a step back and realize that this is what she's been ingrained with all her life. These mindsets she didn't discover, but rather adopted as they were fed to her. Before me, she'll never have had a reason to question those blindly-held beliefs. My dad, well, he's a different story. A bit different than yours, of course. But he's stern, reserved, strong-willed, and very protective. He's staunchly homo and trans phobic, unfortunately. There is so much I wish to tell them too: that I'm trans, I'm gay, the religion they've so fervently wished for me to hold on to is slipping, I'm alone, and I was deeply depressed for years. But I haven't told them anything. My mother is confused my me, and my father oblivious. What I'm trying to get at is that you're not alone in this. I know that it's hard, and confusing, and sometimes downright terrifying to approach this in relation to loved ones. This stuff we just have to deal with as a consequence of the hand we were dealt in this life. It isn't our fault, and there's nothing wrong with us for being this way. Do what you can. You say you are speaking to a therapist? Good. Perhaps you can ask them to help you figure out a way to approach your parents with all this. Work through it one day at a time, break it down, and make a detailed plan of attack. Allow yourself to stop and calmly - objectively - take in this stress, this pain, these troubles and struggles. It's not inherently a bad thing. In fact I'd argue the opposite. These trials ultimately make us stronger people, if we don't let them destroy us - if we will to keep on. The people in both our lives, as homo/transphobic as they can be, often speak out of ignorance or preconceived prejudices. Chances are, they've never encountered anyone in their personal lives who is LGBT and if they have - perhaps it was mixed up in a bad experience. Just think - if someone has walked around their whole lives with their eyes shut - believing that was all there was and the only way to live, what reason would they have to ever open them unless someone or something came along and forced them to open their eyes? We are that thing that forces the people in our lives to look up, and think about why they believe the way they do about the LGBT community. Yeah, it can hurt like hell when they say all those horrible, hateful things. But sometimes it's just the burden we must bear. Perhaps one day, through you, your family can learn to love that which is different. And perhaps you will be better for it, and despite the scars along the way, earn far more good than ill. Blue skies are a'coming, brother. Keep your chin up and walk proud. You're an awesome young man, and you family is lucky to have you.
