Ok, so in the next year or so, I have some really big decisions to make, and I'm not sure if I can cope. So first off, I am going to college next year, and we have to apply around now. I've known for just over a year now what I want to do as a career; I want to be an actor in musical theatre. I told my mum this, and she wasn't supportive at all. For college, I initially wanted to do Drama & Theatre studies, a Performing Arts Level 3 Diploma and English literature. Mum said no BTECs or she wouldn't support me, and my Drama teacher said that it wouldn't get me that far. I was willing to drop it. Then I decided on Drama & Theatre studies, Phycology, English Literature and Government and Politics. They're all things that interest me, and give me sufficient back up plans. Mum decided that she didn't like it, and that she wanted me to do 'facilitating subjects' that universities look for, because she's convinced that me wanting to act is a phase. Just like my sexuality is a phase, my depression is a phase, and my gender identity would be a phase too if she knew. I've tried to compromise, but she won't have any of it because she doesn't want me doing D&T Studies at all. Because she is denying that I want to do it as a career, and sees it as pointless. She made me apply to college with the following subjects; Maths (I absolutely detest it), Biology (vague interest), English Literature (the only one I actually fucking want) and Computer Science. It was on the terms that if I didn't, I'd be kicked out. She already threatened to kick me out when I came out as gay. My friend has offered me a place to live, if my mum kicks me out. Her mum is more than happy to let me stay if it means I can do what I want. But they are financially unstable, and I don't want to be a burden. And I will be, because looking after me for the next 2-4 years won't be easy for anyone. I don't want to put anyone through that, but I don't want to spend my life unhappy either. I don't know what to do, and I literally cannot cope with these decisions. They're life changing decisions. At fifteen years old, and I just... I don't know how to deal with it. I don't have any other family. I mean, my nan is downsizing to a bungalow, is retired and can't afford to look after me. My other nan is way too close to my mum, my mum cut all contact with my auntie. I'm trapped, and I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do? I don't believe in fate, or destiny. I don't feel as if I can just sit back and wait. I have to do something, but I don't know if I can.
Oh, how very frustrating and depressing for you Rainbow Lioness. I can't imagine a parent forcing a child to take subjects outside of his/her field of interest. What's the point? (and I'm old enough to be your grandma!) My parents never interfered with a single choice I made after age 14 or so. Are you able to get student loans? Bursaries or scholarships? Do you have any bargaining chips with your Mom at all? Anything you know about her life choices that might help you argue her out of this stance? Could you write her a letter telling her how depressed you are about this? Try to at least drop the Math. Ask her what good Math will do you. What career will it prepare you for? Could you move in with your friend and work part-time to help pay at least a bit for your board and room? Once you're older you can get out from under your Mom's thumb and tell her to go fly a kite. She's far too controlling in my opinion. I'm sorry you don't have more parental support to pursue your dreams.
Hey that is a tough situation. I think one idea might be to speak to a teacher at school, perhaps you could have a meeting with a teacher and your mum where they can help explain that the subjects you want will still leave lots of avenues open to you.
College is free to enrol in here, we have to be in education until we're 18 so I don't have to pay for the college itself. What I do have to pay for is the equipment, clothes, educational trips, transport (bus pass is £100 a term), textbooks and revision guides. And at a wage of £5 an hour, and being able to work a maximum of 15 hours a week, it'll be really difficult. No, most of them work against my favour, as she has already demonstrated. She didn't go to college because her mum needed her to work for rent. She's just left college after doing a part time course on dog grooming. I have nothing that I can contradict her with. I've tried. I have to go now, I'm getting ready for school. I've tried most of what you've suggested, except getting teachers involved. I'm afraid she'd be angry, even though my counsellor has offered to get CAMHS involved. It just seems really drastic, and I don't know whether I'm just making a big deal out of things?
It appears that she doesn't want you to become the failure your mother thinks she is. The kicking out and all that garbage is her way of dealing with the problems she's facing, I highly doubt that she will actually do that. You can tell her that if she does that you will be put into the system and moved to a foster home, because you're a minor. She automatically loses you as her child, she will never share your difficulties and successes in life. This might be an assertion from my part, but I think you are her hope in this world. Kicking you out means throwing away any possibility of making right her own past, and repeating the mistakes her mother did with her.
