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Depressed, Suicidal, Can't take it anymore

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by questions4ever, Nov 24, 2015.

  1. questions4ever

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    So I've been depressed for about 2 years and severely depressed for the past year. The sad thing is I don't really have any good reason to be depressed. I have a wonderful family, great friends, and many opportunities. I feel like s*** all the time though (sorry I don't cuss so that will have to do). I've gotten better at acting happy, but I'm not really happy just surviving.

    I'll be doing ok and then something will happen and I'll drop into a pit of despair. I'll consider self-harm, anorexia, suicide, running away. I cry and cry and cry. My parents know I'm depressed but not how bad. They are so disappointed in me which really sucks and my mom doesn't trust me at all. The sad thing is they're actually amazing parents. I can't tell them I'm bisexual and/or lesbian because that's just one more thing that could disappoint them. I have chronic need for approval.

    I really want to go to this arts school next year, but I'm scared to tell my mom I'm want to audition. Then there's the fact I'm going on my first date ever with this beautiful girl. She knows I struggle with depression, but not how bad. I don't want to scare her off, and I'm so worried things won't work out. How could she like me though? Every day just getting out of bed is a struggle. I've gained a lot of weight too. My parents are always telling me to exercise and then I get pissed even when I shouldn't.

    I wish my life was a book with a happy ending. I'm also very spiritual and don't know why God doesn't seem to be bringing the joy He should.

    I couldn't take it anymore when my sister told me tonight "If I ever started feeling depressed, I'd just refuse to admit it." I tried to explain to her how insensitive that was. She just said "I don't mean it like that. Your actually depressed already. I've done it before. I just don't have time for depression." I love my sister dearly, but it was all I could do not to scream "NOBODY has f***in' time for depression?!"

    I don't really know what I'm looking for here. I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm scared to share anything more with my parents and I dont think they'll take me to doctor or a therapist. I just don't know ... sorry for the pity party rant:icon_sad::help:
     
  2. SonicBoom

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    Hi Questions, thanks for opening up and reaching out for help.

    Relax . Take a deep breath. Everything is going to OK.

    The most important thing is to get through TODAY.

    Tomorrow , the next and the day after that will take care of itself.

    Do something to get yourself pass this day TODAY.

    Some ideas about getting through today might just be going to sleep.

    Watching a movie.

    Call a friend.

    Pig out of some comfort food. ( I wouldn't be concerned right now with weight gain. You have plenty of other times to worry about that).

    If I were in a depressed state, I would definatley get on an exercise routine. The exercise will do wonders for your depression and may help you shed a few pounds too.

    Hope that helped.(*hug*)
     
    #2 SonicBoom, Nov 24, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2015
  3. Anthemic

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    I used to be in your shoes. Let me guess... You can't imagine feeling happy, can you? You feel so deep in a hole that you can imagine escaping its suffocating depths? You feel so empty that you can't remember what it felt like to be happy? Well, there is hope. I used to think that death seemed comforting because the pain I felt was too hard to bare. But I got help. It was a hard decision, but I eventually saw a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with OCD, PTSD, and depression. He prescribed me with Lexapro and now I feel like I'm actually alive. It saved me.
     
  4. Invidia

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    Hi there. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. *hug* It really sounds like you're having a hard time.

    Even if you're not able to identify a clear reason why you're depressed doesn't mean it's not 100% valid. Depression is a state of mind; a certain outlook on life that's very hard to escape from.

    But know that you're valuable and the world wants you to stay here. You matter. <3 You matter to people like your parents, your friends, to a lot of people.

    We all experience depression in different ways. But some things that generally work against it include doing some things, starting small, that maybe you feel like 'ugh, no, I'd rather just lie here', such as watching a movie or cooking some nice soup. Something small that might be just casual for people who aren't depressed, but that can require strength from a depressed person.
    For example, today, I slept like... 13-14 h? Then I laid in bed most of the day. But I thought, well, gosh darn it, I'm gonna get at least some things done today. So I played some online chess to activate my brain, read a bit from a psychology book, went online on a support site and listened to some people's problems, took a walk, bought groceries, and yeah, that's about it, I guess. But then at least I've done something, and it feels better. Just doing small things like that, little by little, can help.

    Professional help, I might add, can be hugely beneficial. But I don't know your situation exactly, so of course I can't say that you should just go and get it. I appreciate that it might be a tricky situation for you. But just please bear it in mind. :slight_smile:

    I'd like to recommend this video. It helped me to gain some perspective on my depression. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

    I'll repeat: You're not alone, honey! Hang in there! You can do this.
    <3
     
  5. SneakyNinjaPowR

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    It's not a bad thing that you are sad even with so many "good" things. Happiness is subjective. If you spent your whole life starving in the wilderness, then your situation would be great right now. But if you spent your whole life in a billionaire family and getting whatever you want and having the greatest opportunities possible, then being in your situation would be a very horrible thing. Or it would only seem. I've been told I am selfish for being depressed and wanting to die because so many people would kill for my position in life. That doesn't change the fact that I am in emotional (which sometimes leads to physical) pain most of the time.

    You should really tell your parents how you feel. If they really care about your well being they would help. If not then why should you care about what they think about you?
     
  6. The Escapist

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    I really liked Invidia's post, it even made me feel a little more inspired.
    Many of us have hit rock bottom mentally speaking. It's not a fun place to be, and I am very sorry you have to endure that right now.
    It always makes me upset when parents won't let their children see a therapist. If you would take your child to get regular physical checkups, then why on earth wouldn't you want the same for their mental health? Something very very important to take care of.
    Is there a school counselor or someone else you could talk to to get some support and professional advice that might really help? I was homeschooled so I don't really know how that works.
    What your sister said is extremely offensive, but it was probably out of ignorance and not hate. Your parents also seem to be disappointed in you for all the wrong reasons, but that is on them not you. Depression doesn't need a "reason," it just happens to you. And you deserve relief from that by being able to attend therapy sessions if that's what it takes. You deserve to get through this darkness, it's never too late. <3

    Sorry I don't have the best advice, I just wish you the best and you have our love and support here rooting for you. It's okay to ask for help, it's very brave and smart actually. And you can always feel free to post your "rants" and feelings here to get things off your chest. I'm sure many of us can relate. (*hug*)
     
  7. BatQueen

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    i know how it feels, and im so sorry you're feeling so crappy.
    im new here, but it seems like this is a really supportive community and is definitely down to hear anything you have to say.
    as well as, im a good listener if you ever want to talk.
    i've struggled for years, and it takes reaching out and a lot of positive self talk to bring yourself back up.
    just please know that whatever happens, your life is precious.
    you're here for a reason.
     
  8. Invidia

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    Thank you. :slight_smile: xo

    Yes, do feel free to write just as much as you want, OP. We're here (&&&)
    Also, if you ever want to go on my wall and talk, you're very welcome.
     
  9. questions4ever

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    Aw thank you all so much for the support. I appreciate more than you can imagine