Hey folks I think having not enough self esteem is a big problem of young people, especially in the lgbt+ community. So it is for me, in particular if I get bad marks at school or sth. School can really drag me down. I'm going to a grammar school in Germany and some will say I must be pretty smart if I can handle going to this kind of school. But I know of many others in my age who didn't get to go to a grammar school and are much smarter than I am. I don't think that I'm very intelligent. I mean, I like thinking in a philosophical way and I think I do pretty well at "creative thinking" but I'm so bad at logical thinking and remembering stuff. I really have to study a lot for upcoming exams unlike many others in my age. They don't study nothing but do better at school stuff than me. Or in my English classes... I spent a year in Ireland, so I actually have to be very good at English, but I just feel so pressured by everyone because I think they espect me to be "perfect" at it but the german school english is so hard and I never spoke about things that are important in class (like text analysis f.i.) in Ireland, so how can I be that good at these things? Some (it feels more like there are many) classmates of mine are doing better than me in English and it just doesn't feel right. /: Adding to that I don't consider myself as "pretty"... I mean I don't even want to be that pretty, I just want to find "my style" and make the best out of me. But sometimes I just want to smash the mirror when I see my face. (I usually don't give a fuck about my face anymore... I came to that point when I don't mind how people look like, if they wear 100kg of make-up or none, as long as they look clean, if you know what I mean... I don't even realize what clothes people are wearing if its not something special I find very cool or weird or sth) But yeah, some times all those bad things just add together and I find more and more things I hate about me, which I actually manage to ignore most of the other times. All in all I sometimes just feel like a looser. I don't assess myself to have any talents, I'm not pretty and not really intelligent. I don't know what to do later in life. And now I also get pretty annoyed when it comes to gender questions or stereo types about woman. Or when I think about my flipping gender and that I will never be able to tell my parents. I feel like I don't only disappoint myself, but also my parents. (especially compared to my dad, he is really smart, he owns a company, he's literally good at everything) So yeah, long text, I'm sorry for that and hope someone will get to read through this anyways... Does anyone have similar problems? And does anyone know how to get more self confident or whatever could help me? (I know this all sounds very childish but I don't know who else to ask) Thanks anyone^^
It's hard to take a compliment when you don't feel that great about yourself. You probably are smart and good in school but it doesn't mean much to you in your current state. I think you need to do something new. Something that you're not expected to be any good at and which will be fun. Does your school have any clubs you could join? Or outside of school? I'm thinking something like karate or some sport/activity. Something people wouldn't necessarily associate with you. If you're a beginner, there would be no pressure to be good. You could just have fun and as you do get better, your confidence should grow too. I firmly believe doing something fun helps improve your confidence. Don't worry about "pretty". We already know everybody likes something different. Do you like what your friends like? And, it's the fabulous secrets inside you that make you beautiful, not what jumble of genes you got through birth.
Esteem is a competitive concept in which winners are defined by the people who get left behind. Another way to look at winners is to call them non-losers. Don't judge yourself by these pejorative standards, success based on measuring up is an illusion. Do something truly beautiful instead. Focus on figuring out how to capture the most true expression of yourself by embracing the great fortune of being uniquely you! That would be a truly beautiful thing I think.
Esteem is a competitive concept in which winners are defined by the people who get left behind. Another way to look at winners is to call them non-losers. Don't judge yourself by these pejorative standards, success based on measuring up is an illusion. Do something truly beautiful instead. Focus on figuring out how to capture the most true expression of yourself by embracing the great fortune of being uniquely you! That would be a truly beautiful thing I think.
That's a great response. I relate alot to what you wrote especially in that I'm strong with creative thinking and weak with logistical thinking. There are different brillances that people have and it sounds like you are not using the ones that you are strong at. It sounds like you are trying to make your brain work a way that doesnt come naturally which is fine if your trying to develop yourself but can be really hard if your judging yourelf, and comparing yourself to others and feeling bad. What I learned is that I have to do the things that make me passionate. I have to be consumed by those things, then I can stomach everything else. I found music and it changed my life because it put me in touch with my brilliance. Everyone has brilliance, and it can be expressed more then one way but it must be expressed. I would look for things that really give you great joy. You sound like a creative person like me. Philisophical people look at the whole picture, they are not so good with the details sometimes but they understand concepts with great ease. School and really our culture as a whole tend to celebrate one kind of brilliance and that is logistical brilliance but that is only one kind of many brilliances. Some people are brilliant with space and their physical environment, some are incredibly intuitive, some are logistical, and some are visionary. I think your visionary.Visionary people have a deep sence of the interconnection of everything and understand and can articulate huge concepts. They also often have really innovative ideas for the future. Find your voice, find the thing that you are here in this world to share. Be patient, don't stress about it. Just notice what you love. What have you always loved. For me I had always loved music and writing. As I did those things, I found my voice. Find people you admire who have a brilliance similar to you and keep their pictures for inspiration. They probably are in the realm of philosophers, poets, musicians, and artists of some kind. You are in good company.
Thanks everyone It's great to get all this great advice and to hear that there are people feeling the same way. @Really I know what you mean and it sounds really helpful, but the thing is, I don't really have enough time to do the things I like. While being in Ireland I had a lot of freetime bc I was in TY and I started knitting and I did Taekwondo and I loved it. When I had to leave, this was the thing I was the saddest about. I miss it so much. I loved the people and our master and it was just great. We also have taekwondo in my home country and if there was the chance I would also do a different martial art (I'd love to try Kung-Fu or Ninjutsu) but I live in a small village and I'm not 18 yet so I can't drive myself and there are no busses when the classes would start (I spent like 10 hours or so researching) or they are too far away. Okay there's karate and judo I think, but I really don't want to do those because everyone does Karate or Judo and I want to do sth by heart otherwise it would just be a waste of time. @Monraffe & @Guelito: It's great adive, I just don't know how to turn that into action. I just don't have the chance to do what I like and thus to express myself. As I said above I'm still going to school, I can't drive, ... So in the first place I have to finish school which means I have to concentrate on my weaknessess. This is our educational system. We have to concentrate on our weaknessess and ignore our strengths, so we don't fail in the subjects we are bad at and don't fail our leaving certs. And this takes so much time. And I know, probably I will be able to do my own thing after finishing school, but I have to do something NOW. It just seams like there's no chance or maybe it's so tiny, I don't see it.
