Hello everyone, this is my first post here, not really sure if this is the right section to ask this so im sorry if I am in the wrong area lol. I will keep it short as best as I can. I am seeking some advice, I am straight (or thought I was) but I am falling for my best friend (Who is also straight, or says he is). It started when he would jokingly call me little pet names (Sweetie, hun etc...) I started doing it back and it became out "thing" A bromance started from it I guess. It started getting more than that as he started flirting with the hands and getting a little touchy and laugh about it, I would do it back and laugh. He especially likes to make a scene when other people are around and say things like "We're gay" or he would hold my hand to get people reactions, everybody assumes we are a couple and dating we have never technically denied it we both just kinda laugh when people as us but we aren't dating. Both of our families even think we are dating and to my knowledge, none of us have actually come out to say no we aren't. I still like girls, and so does he, I know he has been hooking up a lot lately because he tells me about it. i have had a few female hookups the last few months also but even then I can't stop thinking about him. We are really close and I am scared of hurting our friendship if I say something to him and he really isn't feeling the way he makes me think he is. Oh what confuses me the most is its mainly when we are around other people, he would hold my hand or cuddle up next to me, but when we are alone and I go to hold his hand or cuddle up he doesnt say anything but just casually moves my hand off of his. Is it possible that he is just scared or does it seem like he just likes attention and I am reading too much into everything? I've never been with a guy and I dont think he has either.
Hmm ... Well I would guess you guys are both probably at least bi and still uncomfortable? I know I'm not there so I can't really say. Your going to need to have a conversation with him. Be honest and make sure he knows you want to be friends no matter what. Many times it hard for guys to be honest about how they feel especially if they don't fit what they think of as "gay". Hope this helped
From what you said, he could either be bicurious, bi, or totally straight- it is extremely hard to predict somebody's sexuality without personally knowing them, at least for me. Let me ask you- do you think if given the chance, you would enjoy doing anything romantic or even a little sexual with this friend? If so, you're probably bi, though only you can figure out and decide where you are on the spectrum. Seeing as he doesn't get nearly as close to you when people are around, he could either be uncomfortable about his sexuality or just flirts with you as a joke and is 100% straight. If he's uncomfortable, then asking him about his sexuality might make him feel a little defensive and even angry at you. Is he a friend you can trust? If you're ever certain that you're not straight, and figure out where you are in terms of romantic and sexual attraction, he might be a good person to come out too- I don't know him however, so that's up to you- it's also up to you if you come out at all. A good way to know how he feels about the topic of homosexuality would to just ask him casually- if he asks why you can always make up an excuse like "Well, my family brought it up recently so I was curious." or "I heard a group of people discussing it earlier." I am giving you coming out advice along with advice on what I think you're friend is and questions to help you better understand yourself because sometimes, once we figure out what we are (and it's not always straight- at least completely) we are too afraid to ask for help on what to do next. I hope this advice helps you, and if you ever need anything else, EC is a great place to visit. Good luck!
Thank you so much for the feeback. It is tough and I have no idea where to start. He is very comfortable around other people, sorry if I mis worded that. He knows everyone thinks we are a couple, we both just ignore it or just kinda chuckle about it.. Example, when we are around other people he will flirt with me, hold my hand etc...when we are alone he makes alot of "gay" comments (he will say, "you're so gay" or "We are so gay" etc...or I would say "man, you are sooo gay" and he will say "well thats a given isnt it??") or gets touchy feely, sometimes I do it back and hes ok, other times he will touch me (like a butt smack or rub my leg he has even grabbed my privates before) and when I go to do it back he tells me "Whoa too far dude" then he turns around and does it to me and goes "I can do it to you because you are gay" its all in joking fashion, I think but it happens so often that our friendship has kinda evolved around it and no matter what we always take our conversations, or actions to touch each other, or flirt with the other. While I think I may be bi, im not 100% sure since he is the first male I ever felt this way for. When I feel like I am ready to bring it up to him and try to discuss it before we can even begin the conversation something will happen and he will make a comment like "I am totally straight" right after rubbing my leg or joking that "We are both gay" but just hearing those words "totally straight" scare me off from even having the conversation even though I dont think he is being truthful when he says that Make sense? Anyway, thank you all for being here, its nice to get annonymous advice. I would definitely say I am pretty certain I am bi, again never had feelings like this for a guy but after having them I am not ashamed to admit that (on this forum lol. dont know how to do it to him or anyone else yet because the person I have the feelings for just sends soooo many mixed signals!!) Thank you all
