Today I discovered that my ex-boyfriend who had become a close friend has been married for 3 months and he didn't tell me about it. I met him almost 4 years ago on a site and he was the first and only guy I had really fallen in love with. He lived in New York (originally from India) and I live in Ireland, so we decided that I would move there to live with him, which didn't happen. He even asked me to marry him. A few months later he broke things off with me. We had remained friends ever since and I never gave up on the hope that we would be together. For the past couple of years he has been telling me he was in a relationship with a guy called Damon, who he says he is still with to this day. Recently I discovered that he was really in a relationship with a guy called Ryan, and during our phone conversations he denied it, and I don't know why. Today I discovered that he has been married for 3 months to the guy I asked him about. And the strange thing is that, on the day he was married (August 2nd), we had a conversation on the phone and he never mentioned it and I had no idea. I am still very much in love with him and I don't know what to do. I'm feeling very suicidal, just at the thought at now I have to give up all hope. I don't have a great life and he was the only real hope that I had of being happy in future. And he was the only person I ever trusted. I realize now that I don't know him at all. I just want to end everything. What do I do?
Hi Chrisj, I'm so sorry that you are in pain. First thing first, if you are suicidal tell someone who care about you or call a suicide hot line. Also, go pig out on your favorite comfort food.
I'm really sorry to hear about this and I can imagine that it was a great shock to you. It seems that you still had deep feelings for him and maybe hoped to be more than friends and rekindle the relationship one day. Would you say you are more upset by the deception (the fact that he wasn't honest about who he was dating and getting married) or more upset because the hope you invested in him seems to have been dashed? Try to tell us if you can. All of this news has clearly knocked you back and opened up a lot of heartache and it will take some time to come to terms with everything, but if you talk about it and lean on other people for support (lean on us) you can and will get through it. I'm sure it's very hard to believe right now, when everything seems so broken, but I promise you it can be done. You've made a great start by creating this thread and I hope you know that we do care. If you would like to talk about it in detail, you are very welcome to click on my profile and send me a private message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. When you have despairing thoughts it's really important to talk about them. Bottling it up will make things so much worse Chris. If it seems overwhelming and you're really desperate please contact Samaritans, free of charge, on 116 123. Sending you hugs (*hug*)
I'm really sorry to hear that but maybe he was afraid to tell you. Don't b hard on him in y opinion as he is your ex and maybe he was trying to come up with a plan to tell you as he might have been afraid to do so. Talk to him and maybe at it's ok if you were just thinking of a way to tell me. Good luck and I wish I helped
