So, this year at school, I've made this new group of friends: C, M, and K. C and K are girls, while M is a guy. They're all involved with cross-country and are VERY involved with each other's lives. There are a few other people at our table who are all girls. When I first met M, he was literally only talking/friends with girls, especially C. I thought he was probably dating C and friends with her friends. But, at the back of my head was the idea that he was gay/bi. I was shocked to learn that he was in a year-long relationship with some other girl, S, whom I've never talked to. S also runs cross-country. Not only that, C is dating a different cross-country guy. Everyone I asked, who wasn't too familiar thought that they were either dating or M was gay. He definitely doesn't give off the gay vibe, other than all his close friends are girls. He's very introverted/never shares things about himself. At the end of September, S broke up with him. He was heartbroken for about a week, but slowly got out of his funk. I REALLY want to ask him if he'd be willing to experiment/kiss me, especially so I'd have a first kiss before 17. But, I don't want to screw things up. I asked my best friend advice on this, and he said it was a horrible idea and that he'd block me on social media and tell everyone at the table about me. I don't think that extreme of things would happen, but he'd probably tell C, since he's such good friends. I thought of maybe just revealing my ideas/feelings with K, since she's my closest friend and a Bernie Sanders supporter. But idk, do you think the whole thing's a bad idea?
That is a horrible idea. He just broke up and is straight yet you want him to experiment for your own personal needs? Bad idea.
Well I wouldnt describe it as a horrible idea, but I'd definetly still giv eit some time. Also, do your friends know you're Bi? Maybe if they know and he would actually be bi or gay, he'd try something with you out, on his own. But dont just kiss him so you'd have your first kiss before you turn 17. That's egoistic and not the right way to go for it.
Yeah...he has been out of a relationship for 2months now. Is that still too short a time period? And no, these friends don't know, although maybe they have suspicions that I'm not straight. He's also definitely not gay, he was in a relationship with S for around a year. I'm guessing it was sexual. Have any advice on how to go about it? If nothing else, I want to tell M that he's attractive and I'm bi
Well, I think it depends on how he's handling it. If he's totally okay by now, then that shouldnt be too short, but it's different from one to one. Maybe you should come out before you try anything with M(kissing etc). As I said, maybe he is bi too and just not confident enough to come out or ready for it. I, as example, came out to a friend just yesterday and she said she would've never expected that. So, you never know. If you are confident enough to tell him that you find him attractive, then sure, go ahead and tell him (keep in head, I am not a love expert, not at all)
I think you're better off just making friends. Not a totally great idea to ask someone out of the blue if they want a kiss, especially after a breakup. You'd have to be very close friends for that sort of question to be acceptable and even then it can make people very uncomfortable. I second MayaBee's suggestion that you shouldn't pursue a kiss for the sake of having one before a certain age. Personally I think it makes a relationship seem like a means to a petty end.
I'd prefer not to make a big deal of coming out to this group of friends, but maybe drop a few words here are there to the people I'm closest with. Also, I have told other guys (through social media)that they are attractive before, so the confidence is not an issue. But, with the other times, it's been a guy idk too well. Here, there's a friendship at stake if it doesn't go well, albeit a new, half friendship, but still. I definitely wouldn't want to say something out of selfishness and cause him to be awkward around me, and leave the table. Any advice on how to go about things- if you think I should at all
Truth be told, I'm going to do something. Just not sure what. Is asking him if he's over his break up appropriate?
Also, jw if you're questioning/curious, would you be aware of your own feelings without any experience?
I think you should definitely let him know that you're bisexual before attempting to kiss him. That way you can gauge his reaction. If he is repulsed or if he does not seem to care then you can go from there. But kissing him outright could lead to unexpected violence. Also don't put him on the spot in front of others because he may just react in a way to maintain his reputation.
I am sure this doesnt happen with everyone who is gay, but I was in a relationship for a year with a girl and I was extremely heart broken over it. Of course I didnt just decide to go gay, I knew since I was in 7th grade or at least questioned my sexuality. I was introverted and didnt share alot either just like M. Unfortunately like I said he might be completely straight but he could also be like me and just not accept that he could be gay and be dating girls still. High school can be rough though especially if you come out in a not so supporting community. just test the waters and see what vibes you get.. I hope it works out for you
Nick F, that's a good point. Although he did seem really crushed when his gf broke up with him. I'd think if he was gay, he'd almost be relieved to be out of there. Taking step 1 and asking K her feelings on M, maybe sharing what I've said. I'll see if she thinks he's over the breakup.
So, I talked to K last night and it went extremely well. 1-She didn't know I was bi, 2-She thought it was cute I liked M, 3-Apparently everyone thinks M is cute, 4-M' s relationship wasn't sexual/she said it was awkward and they barely kissed, 5-She thinks, but doesn't know for sure that M is straight, 6-She's convinced, drama won't start up if I tell him I like him, she thinks he's really chill. Also, a side note C said she was bicurious at lunch on Friday. Long story short, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but things are looking a lot better than I thought they would be (ie. I don't think anything will change regarding me being friends with M)
So, today I learned from fairly reliable sources that M went on a date with a girl A. I was completely shocked, because I thought he was still not completely over S. Also A is not at all in our friend circle, and is very popular, very annoying/immature, and has a reputation for being...promiscuous. I don't know how the date actually turned out, but it reminded me that I'd better tell M now before it's too late. I think I'll just tell him the truth, but in a direct, got-you-out-of-my-system way, because it's become more evident that nothing will happen between us, not now at least.
