Hey so new to this site dont know how it really works yet i thought this was the best place to post. Ill give you little info bout im 21 years old male live a fairly normal life but recently im questioning if im gay str8 or bi so i had sexual encounter with other guys it was alright but after we have sex i just feel this loathing feeling in my stomach like what i did was wrong or something dont get me wrong i have nothing against gay people heck they are usual nice people but i just dont feel right maybe some of you will say you havent meet the right guy or something heck who knows but deep down i wanna know if str8 or not maybe im bi i should also tell you i did have sex with a women once but everything that went wrong did i couldnt get hard idk if it was nerves or maybe deep down i know im gay but cant accept it i just wanna know if i am or not probably be hard for you to tell me if i am but i just dont know anymore if anyone has anything to help me get through this it would be great cause it just makes my mind spin dont get me wrong i think some of the women i work with are smoking hot but then i think the same thing about dudes i just dont know if you need more info i think i can reply to thia thread please help me
Ok. Whatever you are, you are still you. Whatever you are is ok. It honestly sounds like you are at least bi, possibly gay, but you are struggling with it. You need to ask yourself why you feel loathing. Is it because it is casual sex? You don't mention what kind of encounters you have had. Perhaps it is the type of encounter that you are uncomfortable with. Not everyone is into every form of sex. Do you imagine having sex with men? What do you imagine doing? How does that make you feel? What do you feel when you kiss? Now the same questions for women. Which feels more right? Remembering that sex between men takes many forms, you could be a top or bottom, or versatile. You could not like anal but enjoy bj's. Or vice versa. Think of what you would like sex to be like for you. And don't worry. You'll work it out
Hey Bigsteve, the loathing feeling can be related to some form of internalized homophobia and not accepting that part of yourself. It happens a lot.
On this page Empty Closets - Stages of Coming Out we try to explain some of the stages of the coming out process. Self acceptance is often the most difficult part of the process and it can take some time to get there. It's definitely worth considering some of the questions from the first reply, but I would also ask how you felt while you were having a sexual encounter with another guy? Clearly it worked for you, unlike the encounter with a woman when you failed to get hard. How do the people around you feel about gay men? Have you heard a lot of negative comments? Have you heard people say it's "wrong" or "unnatural" for two men to have sex or love each other? Sometimes comments like these can get into our heads and lead to a poisoning of our attitude. On a conscious level you may feel fine about gay or bisexual men, but on an unconscious level you will have asbsorbed the negative comments and it can lead to the sort of self loathing that you descibed after having sex. Homosexuality (as we call it now) has existed for as long as man has walked the earth, so we can't really say it's unnatural or a choice. Maybe it's just who you are? Have a look at the page and really think about the questions you have been asked. Come back and tell us your thoughts.
