Hey everyone, so I made a spontaneous decision to Facebook friend request a guy who lives near me who I first saw on Instagram that is gay. It was done completely harmless; I just respected how we out as gay and an athlete and I wanted to hear how that went for him (since I am an athlete and gay athletes are really lacking right now). Well, he must have declined my request and I was pretty bummed and realized I probably either 1.) looked like a stalker or 2.) looked like a troll. I really just wanted to hear his story and I didn't have any greater meaning. So, I messaged him telling him why I messaged him and I was sorry if I looked like a creep. Side note: I'm planning to come out this summer and since I made this decision about a month ago that I was finally going to come out, I find myself constantly thinking about it - like every second of the day. I'm a little excited, but scared of what my parents will think and how my life is going to change. I can't seem to focus on anything else. But now I'm freaking out thinking that this guy may post my picture or something saying 'Why is this kid friend requesting me?' I honestly did the friend request innocently, but now I realize how stupid I was. Sorry for this being all over the place. I just need help calming my nerves at this point. Thanks for any help.
dude forget about it..as long as u kno it was harmless who cares what he thinks..if hes not.cool enough to undwrstand where u were coming from then just think "fuk him" and move on..i hope that doesnt sound rude or anything just tttsh screw people who.think theyre too good or.too cool just cuz theyre more attractive or ur less attractive or whatevr...
I wouldn't worry, to me this seems like a case of no harm, no foul. Reaching out to this guy was a totally innocent thing, and it was actually pretty brave of you to put yourself out there. He turned it down and that's okay. He's allowed to do that. I wouldn't worry about him being mean about it now and calling you out on social media, unless you have reason to believe he would (ie, you've seen him do that to others). Sucks when you reach out to somebody and they don't reciprocate, but better than not trying at all.
I totally understand your fear. When I was closeted I always was afraid that the stupidest, most innocent thing would 'expose my secret'. He's not going to post asking why you friended him. It's just your paranoia talking and that's pretty normal as you are coming to terms with yourself
And even if he didn't accept your friend request, it was probably just because he didn't know you. And I'm sure with what he's gone through, he'd be understanding especially if you messaged him explaining it. Either way, he wouldn't post something like that. Relax:3
Hey dont worry there a lot of random people who send random friend requests, and a lot of people who ignore them not because they are freaked out but just because they dont want to have their profilefull of people they dont know! Im sure this guy wont be annoyed he'll just have decided he does not know you enough. I think you could even talk to him in person and he wouldnt think your are weird or anything. Also, if he doesnt reply to this message bear in mind that messages you send to people who are not your friends do not always reach the other person's inbox. You can know if he has received it / readed it by looking at the "check" icon in the message you sent
Thanks everyone for the replies, they really calmed my nerves. As @Chip said, I guess I fear being outed because I would rather come out on my own terms; therefore, I have to stop doing things like this - lol. He has not responded and I don't know if he read the message. I deleted it from my "Sent" items last night so I would stop torturing myself. I'm sure he is moving on with his everyday life and not thinking about it, so I am going to do the same. Thanks again for all the responses! Like I said in my original post, 'coming out' has been on my mind all the time lately. I'm excited and nervous for when I do come out, but hopefully I can start focusing on other things again. ---------- Post added 1st Dec 2015 at 11:39 AM ---------- And two minutes after I made that last post, he friend requested me back. I guess things work in weird ways.
As somebody who sometimes doesn't accept friend requests or reply back to perfectly good people, I'd say it had nothing to do with you anyway lol