I am currently madly in love with the girl of my dreams and couldn't be happier... Well, I couldn't be happier with my current relationship, but I know that my past still affects me today. In the past, I was generally a confident, intelligent, girl. In high school, I had big plans for my future, and am still chasing those dreams. After high school, I began dating a guy that was genuinely nice in the beginning. I was naive and thought that relationships were a lot of ups and downs. I had nothing to really compare this relationship to as I had never had a long term boyfriend in the past, and my family never really showed romantic affection in front of others. As time went on, I lost my virginity to this guy. He later proposed and I said yes. Well things continued for a while then suddenly one day he decided to "take a break." Well, I wasn't really 100% about the relationship so I basically just called it off and the "break" was a break up. Looking back on the relationship, I recognize how verbally and emotionally abusive he was to me. I knew even before dating him that I wasn't straight, but because I was raised in a religious household, I always hid that part of me and tried to be straight. I thought getting married would "fix" it and I would live happily ever after. Well, that wasn't true. After we broke up, I dated more guys but something was always missing. I drove myself to depression and lots of drinking and sleeping around trying to find that thing that was missing. Finally, after hitting rock bottom I finally accepted that I wasn't straight and started pursuing girls. I am currently in a relationship with the love of my life and we plan on getting married when the time is right. The problem I have is that I always feel myself going back and thinking about where my confidence went. Where did I lose myself? And I always arrive back at the same answer... My ex fiance... He sucked the life out of me and I've never been the same. Now I feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. I do really well for a while and things go great! But then I start getting stressed and things come about in my life and its like I can't even muster up the courage and confidence to put myself together and chase my dreams. I don't know how to get over this and get my life back. We've been separated for 5 years now and It's like I still find myself resorting back to the submissive, not confident, self conscious person that he pushed me into being. HOW DO I FIND MYSELF AGAIN???
Have you ever had any kind of therapy or counselling? Perhaps you can write a list of all the things that are good about yourself and your life now and when you get a bit down you can look at the list. You may not be the person you are but I bet in some ways you are a better person because of what you have been through.
Have you ever had any kind of therapy or counselling? Perhaps you can write a list of all the things that are good about yourself and your life now and when you get a bit down you can look at the list. You may not be the person you are but I bet in some ways you are a better person because of what you have been through.
I'm in a similar situation and I can't say I'm there yet in terms of finding myself again. I've never been an angry person but after my last breakup I had so much built up after trying to be someone she wanted to for years, and that anger helped me in the beginning to push all these things I am and want in life. It eventually became harder but still fighting and you should too. He doesn't get to ruin your entire life. There isn't any direct suggestions to do it, just try and get yourself in the mindset that you don't have to act a certain way anymore. Whenever I feel my past creeping up on me and I'm scared of being myself I just tell myself "It's alright", kind of it being alright to be whoever I want to even if my past screams nonono don't do that. If that makes sense, good luck!
I am seeking this answer as well. Something tells me that we're changed forever. You gotta take the good and bad. It's ok tho.
