Hello... To most of you, I am just a new person who you've probably never seen before... But I suffer from something that no human should ever have to deal with. This thing claws at you internally, it eats you from the inside out and you can't help but feel self hatred towards yourself as you basically die each and every single day... I talk of course, about depression, anxiety, and self mutilation. To make a long story short (which I think a lot of you would be happy with), I currently take a strong antidepressant, I take medication for my anxiety, go to therapy sessions, and I generally talk all my problems through with someone special who I don't think I could live without... Yet recently, all I have been feeling is the thought of throwing myself off a bridge, running straight into oncoming traffic, slitting my arm open again and brand myself as "Useless" once more... I don't understand why I have been feeling like this, where I'm up all night until 5am, crying my eyes out, wishing I had someone, anyone, to talk to... Someone who would listen and be there for me (which I know is ridiculous, especially at 5am). Is there any reason that anyone here can think of as to why I'm like that? Or any advise that could help me get out of it? It would be gratefully appreciated if anyone could please help me Thank you...
First off I'm going to say I know how you feel, and I'm not saying that just to pacify you. I really do! Have you ever seen the movie The mist? I'll find a clip( ignore the music at the end I couldnt find another clip and this is not my YouTube account) http://youtu.be/u4nZUEkAsw8 If you haven't, spoiler alert. The main characters is stuck in his car with his family and out side is the fog which is filled with flesh eating monsters so they can't leave. He has a gun with just enough bullets to kill his whole family painlessly but not him self. They argue, cry, fight but in the end he shoots his whole family. He's sobbing and steps out side to get mangled by the monsters but out of no where a man with a gasmask walks by him. The fog clears and the army had arrived and apparently killed all the monsters. I'm not saying this to depress the shit out of you I'm telling you this because everyone's army will arrive avetualy. And you just have to hang in there till that day comes, because if you don't the very nest day your soul mate could move right next Store to you or they invent happiness in liquid form that you can drink, so hang in there. Now being happy Is super Hard for everyone, but I find letting your guard down and being your self helps. Again hard to do but I used to be a loner who tried to be 'normal' which made me want to die, but when I got on this web site and got support I find my self being happy sometime. Also on long those same line letting you sexuality out some times helps too, when no one home at my house i looking in the mirror imagine things about my self. Art helps too, I look at a love or emotional (not porn lol, like abstract stuff) picture picking a part every detail. Or drawing of what ever gender you like (for me that's shirtless men) because there is no secrets about them all there thoughts, feeling and emotions are visible in every stroke or line. This used to make me feels sad because there not real or human or what ever your into, but there with you and forever will be. And if you ever need to talk even at 5 am I'm here, I'll keep my phone on ring.Sorry if there some typos I have to write on a phone.
