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Adult hanging with teens

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by deep six, Dec 7, 2015.

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  1. deep six

    deep six
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    So theres this guy who since i was 13 would hang out with my group of friends because we all went to an afterschool program. He immediatley told us that he was gay and that he though i was cute. Being not out(still am) i kinda just brushed it off. The problem is that he was 17 at the time and knew our ages. Eventually everyone (including me) became friends with him. He would make a lot of sexual jokes at me and other guys even though (to his knowledge) he thought i was straight.

    About a year later me and another friend are at an allnighter at his house. Hes 18 and im 14 at the time with my crazy purple undercut. So its pretty late at around 3 am. My other friend is kinda dozing off while we were watching a movie. So me and him are cuddling(i cuddle with everyone regardless of gender sexuality whatever) but eventually with out saying anything it starts getting pretty sexual. At the time i was just a horny teen(still am but thats besides the point) so it eventually gets to the point where were frotting and using our hands...you get the idea. The next day i told him that it couldnt happen again and i continued to tell himni was straight. He beleived me as i told him it was just a month long little bubble of curiosity. But sure again next week the same thing happens even though i told him no multiple times i eventually gave in. Point is that it was hella illegal and at the time i didnt quite frasp the gravity of the situation because i was kinda in awe realizing i was in kind of a sexual fantasy of mine.

    All of this was kinda backstory to my current dilema. It never happened again after that but eventually when me and my friends started highschool and aged a lil bit, he kinda branched off and started hanging with another group of middle schoolers. Doing exactly what he did when he was hanging with us by making a lot of sexual jokes and flirting. The difference now is that its a 13 year old and an almost 19 year old. Very illegal. To make matters even worse he has a boyfriend whos only 13 and they all know how old he is. But now im hearing that his relationship is sexual (i dont know the extent of their sexual experiences so i dont know if its just like what he did with me or if its full on intercourse) so after telling the majority of my friends ehat he did to me when i was 14 weve all blocked him on social media and avoid him around town and stuff. But how do we convince the middle schoolers how messed up this is. Im not emotionally scarred from my experiences but i was still technically molested and i really dont want this shit to happen to some other kid even if they do consent like i did. Its still hella messed up. :help::help:
     
    #1 deep six, Dec 7, 2015
  2. Distant Echo

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    Is he attending the after school programme? Where is he meeting these kids?
    He is grooming them, and you need to speak out to someone in authority. And make them believe you. If necessary go to the police.
     
    #2 Distant Echo, Dec 7, 2015
  3. YeahpIdk

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    I totally second inamirrordarkly. This guy, from your description, very obviously sounds like a child molester/pedophile. He is older, but is continuing to go for a certain, very young age group. You need to tell an adult or tell the police. He can ruin someone's life if you don't speak up and say something. I know this can be scary, but you owe him absolutely nothing, even if you liked and feel a little ashamed about what he did to you. Being a 19 year old hanging out with 13 year olds and doing this is totally pushing the boundary and abnormal. It's simply not normal. I think about children in my family who are 13, and people in my family who are 19. It is not normal. I urge you not to let someone get hurt. You could always call the police as an anonymous call and tell them what is going on. Or maybe call a hotline for sexual abuse and see if they have suggestions. I just really hope you don't let it go.
     
    #3 YeahpIdk, Dec 7, 2015
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    The harm this person is doing to his 'boyfriend' and other friends is potentially immeasurable. This sort of abuse can have a lifelong impact on those he comes in contact with.

    I suggest that you talk to your school guidance counselor and explain what is going on. You shouldn't hVe to out yourself to do so; you can truthfully say thT you did not want to do anything but he convinced you.

    He needs help and more importantly he needs to not be in contact with young people. At his age, his behavior is a felony. He undoubtedly knows this. So you do t owe him anything other than to do your best to ensure that others aren't harmed.

    If you want help reporting this, let me or another admin know. We regularly do mandatory reporting in these sorts of situations and cN help the process along if you need it.
     
    #4 Chip, Dec 7, 2015
  5. Distant Echo

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    Any update on this?
     
    #5 Distant Echo, Dec 8, 2015
  6. deep six

    deep six
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    I don't really have much information coming through seeing as i blocked him on social media and stuff. The information about his boyfriend ad wether theyre sexually active, is here say so i cant confirm. one of the reasons im reluctant to go to an authority though is because hes told me that hes going to be moving to canada soon. I know that sounds selfish to sweep the issue under the rug, but I seriously just want him to be out of me and my friends lives asap without having to bring him back up in a court or something.
     
    #6 deep six, Dec 8, 2015
  7. wardrobeescaper

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    I know it's hard but someone needs to do somthing. You sure you can't talk to your parents or maybe a teacher?
     
    #7 wardrobeescaper, Dec 9, 2015
  8. Distant Echo

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    He's moving so he can have fresh victims....
    Please, please, step up. Report your suspicions.
    Think of all the pain and fear you could spare others
     
    #8 Distant Echo, Dec 9, 2015
  9. Chip

    Chip
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    The issue to consider here is... When he moves to Canasa, he will just repeat the pattern and more and more boys will be hurt, perhaps for a lifetime.

    You have the ability to take action to stop that. Of course, if thinking about yourself is more important than potentially stopping the abuse of perhaps dozens of other boys, that's a decision you can make that you will have to live with. Basically the choice is yours.
     
    #9 Chip, Dec 9, 2015
  10. wardrobeescaper

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    Shame you don't have contact with his "boyfriend" (I use the term loosely. You could persuade him to come forward, he's a victim too and needs someone to support him.
     
    #10 wardrobeescaper, Dec 9, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2015
  11. Typhoon

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    Talking to a guidance counselor (avoiding parents as you aren't out, and parents ask a lot of questions and get suspicious even if you avoid mentioning you're gay) would be best as they can take action on your behalf but your testimony would be required. He is admittedly quite young for your average child molester. I appreciate that it is an awkward situation to be in, but you can potentially spare some individuals a lot of psychological harm by speaking up.
     
    #11 Typhoon, Dec 9, 2015
  12. deep six

    deep six
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    Ive been thinking a lot about Confrontation with authorities, but a group of friends and i were thinking of confronting his group, then him seeing if we can get him to do something on his own. I just want to use all my options before we have to take legal action
     
    #12 deep six, Dec 9, 2015
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  13. wardrobeescaper

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    It's difficult when you take things into your own hands and this could just make the situation worse. I'd personally get someone who is trained to deal with the situation on it otherwise any future legal action could be derailed by perceved vigilante action.
     
    #13 wardrobeescaper, Dec 10, 2015
  14. Chip

    Chip
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    It is highly unlikely he would do anything meaningful on his own. He might give lip service to it but this sort of thing doesn't generally respond to self help. And, has been suggested, it could easily make things worse.

    So as much as it is uncomfortable, the solution is to talk to your guidance counselor or the police.
     
    #14 Chip, Dec 10, 2015
  15. Distant Echo

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    I don't think you get the seriousness of this. While you are coping fine, others will not. Some may never recover.
    How many boys will he molest? How long will he molest for? Will he still be molesting boys in five years? In ten? In twenty?
    How many boys coud he have attacked in that time? When will it turn from what he did to you to violent attacks? What will he do if a boy fights back?
    You have a chance to stop him.
     
    #15 Distant Echo, Dec 10, 2015
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  16. deep six

    deep six
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    Information update: So apparently he and his boyfriend who is only 13-14 have recently broken up. His boyfriend isnt closeted, so it might not be as problematic for him but i was thinking, obviously as you guys have read that i am very afraid of reporting the crime myself, but do you think if i were to talk to him and convince him that he needs to go to an authority, he might get reported/arrested or something but my involvment would still be minimal. Idk do you guys think this would work? Obviously if he doesnt, i or another individual who knows will have to.
     
    #16 deep six, Dec 10, 2015
  17. Distant Echo

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    No. Simply no. He knows what he is doing is wrong. You could actually place yourself in danger.
    Pm Chip, give him the details and let him take the necessary steps.

    And let me point out, a 13-14 year old is not a boyfriend for this man. He is a victim.

    Who will he move onto next?
     
    #17 Distant Echo, Dec 10, 2015
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  18. deep six

    deep six
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    I dont know the kid myself. This also wouldn't be the first time that he convinced people hes younger than he actually is. he has a young face and dresses/acts in the emo style, dyeing his hair and what not so the problem is that theres a chance that his victim thinks hes 16 or something. Idk im just kinda brainstorming. And again if the kid doesn't report him after what i've told him then me and friends are going to look into going to the police. But if you dont mind me asking, why wouldn't it work if the younger kid goes to an authority. Hes openly gay and also i reallly should have made this a bigger point earlier but the two of them being sexually active is only hearsay at this point from one of my friends whos friends with them. Id give it a 50/50 chance. So what he did to me was technically illegal yes, but if it was just a romantic relationship, no sex, would it still be legal. Even if it was legal id still try and get his ass reported, but if theres no grounds to do so then idk
     
    #18 deep six, Dec 10, 2015
  19. Chip

    Chip
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    What happened to you is absolutely actionable, and between what happened to you and your concerns about what's happening with others, there would be plenty for the police to take action on, particularly if you enlist the help of a guidance counselor to help.

    I appreciate the fact you're concerned about repercussions, but the bigger picture here is that this guy has a pattern of harming others, and will continue to do so until someone takes action. He won't do it himself; he's undoubtedly rationalized that his behavior is OK, and if confronted by you or one of your friends, he'll say and do whatever he can in the way of manipulating you so that you don't report him.

    That's why you need to just bite the bullet and report him *now*, and start the ball rolling. The police will do the investigative work, interview the people you point them to, and do their own investigation as well. And ultimately, he will hopefully have the opportunity to get help, and, more importantly, other boys won't be harmed by his behavior.
     
    #19 Chip, Dec 13, 2015
  20. QueerTransEnby

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    This guy is a repeat offender. Please report him to the police. Who knows how many kids he has raped, molested, or exploited. It's awful enough to have it happen once, but it's very clear that he has multiple offenses.
     
    #20 QueerTransEnby, Dec 13, 2015
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