Am i gay if i like to use a "toy" on myself

Using a toy on yourself, no matter the gender, is not gay, or whatever. It's perfectly normal.

However, having same-sex attraction is what defines you being 'gay' 'Bisexual'. Outside of masterbation do you feel the same way?

If you do, there is a great chance that you might be one of the titles above mentioned. However, you shouldn't be ashamed. We all take our time firguring ourselves right.

Just question this. Do you still love your wife?

 

Simply for using the "toy", no not necessarily. Whether or not one enjoys using such a thing doesn't necessarily have bearing on one's sexual orientation. Conversely, one could have no interest in any sort of butt sex and be gay or bisexual. The idea of doing that or being on either side of the butt sex doesn't interest me..... In fact, the one time I stuck something up there...... I didn't like it at all. However, I'm bisexual because I have been attracted to a number of other guys. I thought of doing plenty of things with them too of a sexual nature..... sometimes all the time/bordering on obsessively, just not this particular act. Whether or not you are at all interested in men sexually is what determines one's sexuality, not whether you stick things up your behind. You said that you do and you have a wife, so you are most likely bisexual. If you are attracted to women, as well you are not gay. You also aren't transgendered unless you feel that you want to become a woman, which is a separate issue from sexuality.

 

Straight men can use toys. Not sure about the fantasies. It could be an indication that you're gay, or it could be a fetish. You might be bi.

 

They could, but something tells me there probably are not a lot that do. It would seem like inserting any sort of object would indicate that one is thinking about the obvious while they are doing it. Plus, a straight man would probably have a very strong natural aversion towards being penetrated by something, because it would inevitably bring up mental images of the obvious. Of course, I wouldn't really know since the whole anal thing doesn't do anything for me and just kind of grosses me out..... even though I know I'm attracted to men, so kind of the reverse to the OP's situation in a way. Maybe for some guys it just feels really good, even though they don't like men? I don't know. I've heard that for some guys there is some sort of pleasure in sticking something up there....... even if they aren't thinking about what you'd think they must be.

 

Yeah, probably. It also sounds like your whole wanting to be "made love to as a woman" may extend beyond simply a sexual act or being gay. It sounds like you have some discomfort with being male, as well. Just realizing all of this at 38 seems a little unusual, but it isn't unheard of either.

 

Honestly, it does sound as though you should at least explore the idea of body dysmorphia with a therapist who can assure you from the outset that they have experience with that issue. I'm going to throw out the idea that if you and your wife decide to separate, you're not likely to lose contact with your daughter over this, as WA courts skew a bit liberal, if anything. How old is your daughter now, and what has your wife's stated view on gay stuff been so far?

 

I would just say that when I was a teenager and first became aware of my attraction to men, I wanted to be female and be made love to as a female by a man. It may have been that back then I thought being female would be the most socially acceptable solution to my "problem." However, once I accepted that I was not, and could never be, female, I lost that desire. I don't think I ever identified as trans (the word had not even been invented), but my older sibling transitioned to female in her early 50s.