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Need Advice V Badly

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by CC335, Dec 10, 2015.

  1. CC335

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2015
    Messages:
    2
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    Location:
    Sacramento
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi everyone; I'm new here, and new to the LGBTQ community and I have a lot of things going on in my life and I'm not too sure how to handle them. I'm really scared and could really use some advice.
    1. Coming Out - I really need to come out to my parents; I just don't know how. In my head I think it'll be okay but how do I go about telling them, let alone the rest of my family and friends?
    2. Relationships - I live in a conservative community where there isn't a lot of gay people; and I don't have a long dating history and I've only dated a few girls before so is there any differences in dating guys vs girls? And also I have a huge crush on my straight best friend, and he knows that I have feelings for him, just not how deep my feelings are; and he's in a sort of serious relationship with a girl, how do I tell him?
    3. This one doesn't have to do with anything personal, but how do I delete posts? I posted in the wrong forum before and I need to delete it.

    Thank you in advance for reading and/or responding
     
  2. Monraffe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2014
    Messages:
    418
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    14
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's a lot of stuff on your mind. If I were you I would prioritize and handle things one thing at a time. Smaller chunks is always better. Otherwise it can get overwhelming emotionally. Relationships come after coming out so deal with coming out first. Try not to think about item 2 until you get there.

    There are lots of ways to come out, it's a very personal experience. In making the decision on how, who, and when, are two main things to consider. First, are you ready? Second, who do you tell first? Let's break it down.

    Grab a pen and paper and draw a line down the middle. Title the left column "Good Things" and the right column "Bad Things." Now, close your eyes and imagine you are out to everyone. Open your eyes and under each column list the good and bad things you expect to encounter as a totally out person.

    Put that aside and grab a new stack of papers. At the top of each page, put the name of one person you would like to come out to. When you are done, arrange the papers in order of who you would like to come out to first. Then take each page that has a persons name at the top and draw a line down the center labeling the left column "Worst That Could Happen" and the right column "Best That Could Happen." Close your eyes again and imagine that person is sitting in front of you and that you have just come out to them. Open your eyes and list the best and worst reactions you think they could reasonably have.

    When you are done put all of the papers away and don't look at them for 48 hours. Consider this 48 hours to be you personal Holliday from the entire issue of sexuality and try not to think about it at all. When 48 hours are up, take out the Good Things / Bad Things paper and carefully read what you wrote. How does what you wrote make you feel? Do you still want to come out? If so, then take out the papers with the people's names on them and read them carefully. Can you identify at least one person that you feel confident will be an advocate for you once you have come out? If so, then plan to tell that person or persons first.

    Remember, there is no reason to be disappointed in yourself if you find you are not ready. Wisdom is a better asset than pride. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.
     
    #2 Monraffe, Dec 10, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2015