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Struggling with both depression and anxiety

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ShyShutterbug, Dec 12, 2015.

  1. ShyShutterbug

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    This is just something I feel like I need to talk to someone about: I feel like I have both depression and anxiety. I'm having feelings of loneliness, but I'm too socially anxious to talk to anyone about how I'm feeling. I'm almost constantly worrying about what I'm going to do with my life and if my life is worth living at all. There are times when I would go back and forth between being terrified of death and feeling like it's the only option. I mostly get these feelings when I'm in school because I would always worry about passing all of my classes and trying to fit in with the other students.
    I've always felt this way to some degree ever since I was a kid. But now that I'm an adult in college, I'm still having these feelings more than ever and I really feel like I need to do something about it.

    Is there anyone else on the forum with depression and/or anxiety? If so, how do you cope with it?
     
  2. anann

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    I have depression and anxiety as well. It's hard sometimes, but I am doing better after having seeing some doctors. I trained myself in high school not to talk about it and to pretend it wasn't there but in college I got worse. It finally got to the point where I couldn't even pretend to function as a human, not to mention an adult and finally went to talk to a doctor. I felt like I had no choice. It's been a few years and at this point I am on medication and still see a therapist regularly. I'm still not quite able to function independently, but most of the people I know have no idea and I live some where that helps me cope with that. It is incredibly hard and scary to get help at first and it is a real challenge to get better, but it is possible. I can't in courage you enough to find someone you trust to talk to. It isn't a good idea to let yourself get worse and worse because it gets harder to recover. Good luck (*hug*)
     
  3. mituaski

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    Hi hun!

    Reading your post was like picking a book about my life. I've struggled with the same feelings for years. It is NOT easy coping with it.

    The only thing I can tell you is to not criticize yourself too harshly because of it. I beat myself up for years and kept putting myself down because I felt it was all my fault that I was the way I was. This is a real problem that you to work at day after day.

    I never got to the point where I had to get therapy (no way to afford it) but something that has helped me is to keep myself busy. You're in college, try new things! See if you can find a student group at your school where you can find people with similar interests. Keep an open mind and take courage :slight_smile:

    There may be a hobby or a passion that you have yet to discover.
     
  4. Michael

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    I try to get closer to people that share my interests, and take good care I keep myself not only busy, but also entertained as well.

    I spend an awful lot of time trying to get to know myself, and analyze how I feel, when and why.

    Feeling sad is part of being human, but when you mention how worry you are about trying to 'fit in'... There might be something else there. Why do you feel you have to try so hard? Is is 'cause you feel you are different for some reason beyond your orientation?
     
  5. InbornGame

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    I think that a lot of times depression and anxiety go hand in hand. This is something that I have struggled with for a long time, though, and something that I continue to struggle with.

    A few things that have helped me:

    The biggest (and hardest/scariest) thing was asking for help...and then being honest about how I was feeling with the people that I reached out to. I thought for a long time that the feelings would go away on their own or that I would grow out of them, but that didn't happen. I was a wreck when I finally asked for help, but I found a psychiatrist through student mental health at my university, and now I take medication and I go to therapy (the meds are cheap with insurance, and the therapy is free). I have good days and bad days, and it hasn't been an overnight transition, but I'm slowly starting to feel better.

    Another thing that (sometimes) has helped has been recognizing how self-critical and unreasonable my own internal dialogue can be. I tend to find things to obsess over (my sexual orientation, the way that I look, how socially awkward I must be, etc.), or fixate on ridiculous extremes (answering a question wrong in class is evidence that I don't belong in school...even though I answered a bunch of other questions correctly). In reality, all of these thoughts, obsessions, and worries are fabrications of my mind. They don't reflect my reality, but they've become my default way of thinking. It can be really hard sometimes not to fall into one of those mental "black-holes"--I usually don't see them coming--but with practice I feel like I'm becoming more aware of them and it's getting easier to find my way out of them.

    I guess that was a longer response than I thought it would be, but I hope it helps. Hang in there, and good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Tom91

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    Hi there,

    It’s as if you’re writing about my own experiences and life. Even though I’m thousands of miles away. The loneliness, the social anxiety, the worrying what the hell to do with life, the questioning if it’s even worth it, trying to fit in…

    I buried and buried all of these thoughts and feelings during school, and university, hoping and praying and telling myself that they’d go away, only to have them come back more than ever like you’re experiencing.

    It took me to hit rock bottom when I was 22 years old before I even began reaching out or coming out to anyone, and one of my big regrets is not having sought help sooner. Although it may not feel like it right now, the fact that you are writing on here is already a really positive step – you’re acknowledging to yourself and others that things really don’t feel right for you in your life at the moment.

    It’s so important to try not to beat yourself up about your struggles or blame yourself. It’s taking me a long time to overcome this self-criticism myself, but it really just makes the social anxiety even worse and harder to overcome. So really do try and be as kind to yourself as possible - let yourself take all the time you need, be patient with yourself, don’t put additional pressure on yourself and don’t be harsh on yourself if things don’t go the way you’d planned or wanted, particularly social situations.

    Are there any support services in your college? If you feel able, I’d really recommend going to see a counsellor, or seeing a doctor and asking them to refer you for counselling/therapy. I know it’s clichéd, but talking to someone in confidence can be helpful, as you really can say whatever is going round in your head without fearing what they’ll think of you, without having to carefully plan what you say so as not to upset them etc. And keep sharing as much as you like on EC.

    Also, I sometimes find writing helpful. As in, writing in a notebook/diary that no-one else will ever see or read. Just to get some of the corrosive thoughts out of my head and onto paper.

    I’m still struggling myself, have had some counselling and now halfway through a 40-week programme of therapy, and take antidepressants. So I can’t fully say ‘it gets better’ yet, though I wish I could. But I can say that it feels better this side of starting to open up than it did before when I had everything to hide still. And be patient with yourself.

    Take care, Tom x
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    I think you would do well to consider the comments from other posters in this thread and really try to talk to someone about all of the feelings you are having right now. I know it will be super hard for you to push against the depression and anxiety in order to take that first, important step, but it really is worth it. With no outlet for all of the knotted feelings of hurt and distress you will continue to experience moments of despair and you really don't want to go there too often. As it stands you are able to bring yourself back from that very dark edge, but the time may come when you really struggle to do so on your own. If you can summon up the strength and reach out for support now, you give yourself a better chance.

    I believe you can do it. Even though it brings on a lot of anxiety and stress, you continue to go to school and try very hard to succeed and that's a measure of how resilient you actually are. It would be so easy to give in to the feelings and give up, but you are still looking at the bigger picture and doing your best to achieve something. That's not a sign of someone who doesn't care less about their life. So give yourself plenty of credit (if you don't, I will :slight_smile:), because it's no small thing that you are doing. If you can push yourself to face school everyday, you can find a way to seek help for your problems - really, you can.

    We are all here for you and will gladly listen and offer support while you try to find a way to do it.
     
  8. ShyShutterbug

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    Thank you guys so much for all the wonderful responses. Just reading about how others are going through the same thing and all of the words of encouragement has really helped me. :slight_smile: