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not over it yet

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by thrashgal, Dec 14, 2015.

  1. thrashgal

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2015
    Messages:
    263
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    Location:
    california
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    this is gonna be a long one..
    well last year this time my sister had come down for xmas and we were hanging out when i got a text from sumbody looking for sumbody else..it was the wrong number but i guess i sounded kool cuz she engaged me in conversation, she asked if i had a boyfriend or if i was into girls, i said i was les. and come to find she was too..we pic for pic'd and were attracted to eachother surprisingly..well we talked more and more and got to the point where we were talking everyday all day long, i was jobless at the time i had quit my job and put my life in the hands of the ways of the world cuz i had fallen really hard for a coworker who didnt give a shit about me she just wanted a one niggt stand the one time we hung out outside of work and got drunk, thankfully it was that time of the month for me cuz fuk that bitch...well anyway the more i talked to that girl the more i felt that life was turning around for me, shortly after we "met" i got the best job i couldve ever got here where i reside and i felt like i was on top of the world, well what goes up.........we stopped talking for about two months in jan this year and i couldnt understand why just out of nowhere she would do me like that when i thought we had sumthing and even.tho i excepted it i wanted to kno why, what was wrong with me that she didnt like me anymore, so i text her and got no response, days later she texts me and says she got back with her ex who shes been with since she was 14 she said..she was 21 at the time and i was 25..well she would call me crying about how much she hated her life and where she lived and her relationship with that girl so i would try to get her to come let me see her (we hadnt met yet in person, just talking on the phone, texting, pics, and videos) and finally in june she aaid yes..she lives 2 hours from me and actually her home town is where i live now..well i took the day off to come see her and i met her at her job, she was more beautiful than i had imagined, i was so damn shy i was afraid to even look haha..but she was sweet and comforting and we took off from her work and hung out, we got sum beer and got drunk together then got a hotel room and spent the night together..yea we had sex tho i dont consider it sex cuz neither of us got off and really we just fell asleep..well, she went down on me and stuff then i pulled her on me to like try and grind with her but she was like too small and i wanted to kiss on her so i just pulled her off me and held her and thats when we fell asleep...lol..well the next morning we went for a walk and talked sum more and man i really felt sad cuz i knew it was all gonna end and i had to come back home for work...we said our goodbye and kissed one last time and that was it, i remember when she left she looked back at me that broke my heart....well, we kept talking and texting but i knew that things had changed...idk maybe i wasnt what she expected tho she told me that i was better than what she had imagined..i think she was just being nice...well september 30 was the last time i talked to her..previous days she had borrowed money i wired her 100, she said she got paid on friday and i didnt want that money back i wanted to give it her but i was curious to see how she wouldve went abouy it..anyway i think now maybe she was worried i wouldve asked for it back..the day before we last stopped talking, wednesday, we were talking as if everything was kool and tho maybe it isnt related i found it strange she askwd me if i trusted her out of the blue, i said yes she said just making sure, the next day i wanted to see if shed text me and she didnt, she still hasnt...i just feel lost...i fell hard for her and i think she led me on alot but i cant seem to move on, its been almost three months and im goin fukin nuts..i just wish she wouldve said goodbye atleast...i wish she wouldve told me the truth that we would never be and i would try to get her to say it to me she wouldnt...she made me believe she cared as much as i did...fuked up thing is i only want her now...i loved everything about her, mainly this look in her eyes, one i recognized all too often, like i told her i felt i knew whwre her soul was...thats the best way i could describe it...and the things she would talk about, man ive never met another girl like her...and just this whole situation, her coming into my life at the time when i had nuthing i felt worthless and like i wanted to O.D i was just broken, soul wise...she mended me...but now i feel like a huge part of me that i cant get back is gone..i feel she stole my heart and ran away with it...i guess i could always chase her but why, shes still with that girl, and i had seen on her f.b that she posted a pic for their anniversery and idk it just made me feel like i needed to let her go but a part of me is waiting till i have my ducks in line and see if maybe theres a small chance left...fuk am i crazy? is there such thing as soul mates do u guys think? is there such thing as true love?......cuz honestly how i feel, i dont want anybody else, i want her and only her or id rather be alone...all or nuthing...trust me i kno how all this sounds cuz if sumbody told me this story id say sumthing like "damn dude,that doesnt sound healthy" i know.......ugh :bang::icon_redf