I don't like or want to be gay!

It sounds like you just really want a relationship with someone, which i personally dont get... but i understand some people want one.

Why not put on some nice clothes and go to a bar?

 

Everything you have said is exactly how i feel 100%. So, unfortunately i cant give you any advice on this just let you know that at least people do understand what you are going through...
And believe me if i could i would swap my feelings for woman for your feelings for men to make us both straight...be strong!

 

Ive matured later in life (20/21) and have realised that part of growing up is just admitting, acknowledging and fully comprehending you have no choice. you have to find where you fit in life and if you like cock, you'll probably wanna hang out with other people who do too.

I dont get why you cant go to a bar, have a few drinks and a game of pool then just go home. do it in a town/village outside of your own so no one sees you sitting there looking all awkard and embarresed (if ur anything like me lol).


I totally get why you wouldn't want to be gay. I felt the same and still do sometimes. its part of the journey of self-discovery.Sometimes i think im not even really gay and im just pretending. but its not true. i really like guys.

Wanna know the worst thing though mate? right now you "hate being gay", right? but once you get over it your gonna see that it gets a whole lot scarier. Your more similar to straight people than you think.... Spending our days Trying to find someone who you love and makes you really happy. Someone who loves you back and really appriciates you as a person. Finding someone that you can look forward to seeing after work. someone who brings out the best side of you. Seriously, once yo uget over being gay, the "true" realisiation will come that the game of love is hard and brutal.

 

I have always known I'm gay and accepted it, but no one knows. Having straight friends, there have been moments when I've thought, 'why cant I have this?' when they were dating a load of girls, going places as a couple and having children. But I have accepted it wont be like that for me. Its not a question of me not wanting to be gay, I am! I dont like the idea of being alone though.

 

Just a couple of my thoughts:

1. In terms of people not liking you for being gay, fuck them. Don't waste a second of your life around them if you can avoid it. I've heard about young people traveling to Europe and saying that they are Canadian so that people don't dislike them for being American. My stance on that is, if you don't want to talk to me because I'm American then I probably don't want to talk to you either so that solves that. Same thing with being gay.

2. I recommend cultivating your own happiness as a single person. Try to be the happiest single you that you can possibly be. That energy will then radiate out and may or may not attract the kind of person with whom you would want to be in a relationship. But at the end of the day/life the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself, so working on being a happy single person I believe will serve you for the rest of your life.

 

Why I haven't seen this earlier. Great stuff. I'd give it a read through

 

The way im seeing your situation is you want a relationship, but relationships cant be forced just get on with other aspects of life and maybe in the future a relationship might be more opportune just hang in there and maybe something will happen it might not be what you need right now its not like you have to worry about a partners fertility

 

So, speaking as someone who both loves being gay and has been in several relationships, including my current one which has lasted for nearly 20yrs now...

If you treat being gay as this curse on your life, even if you like telling yourself it just is what it is as if saying that means you accept it - the truth is that you haven't really accepted it and are railing against it at some level, even if its just feeling unhappily resigned to it. That in turn will color both your perceptions and how you come across to people - which can impact your interactions and relationships (or chance at relationships). So, you're not like all the straight people - believe me, life is not one uninterrupted picnic for them either. And, if you give it a chance, and take it on its own terms, rather than trying to negatively compare it to 'the straight life' being gay can be a lot of fun. Or at least no real burden.

While I can't tell you exactly how to go about meeting someone and getting into a relationship, I can tell you that the absolute worst way to do it is to sit home alone while feeling sorry for yourself. That probably sounds much harsher than it's intended to be, but it is a simple fact.

You say you aren't into bars - so what are you into? Are other people into it too? Then go out and find others to do it with and at least some of them may be gay/bi and compatible with you. Or find an LGBT group for whatever it is you're into and go to that. Or go to an LGBT community center or social group or church or charity or the like and see what they have going on or get involved volunteering. Like sports? Then find an LGBT sports league or team for what you like to do and get involved with them. Like to read - see if there's an LGBT book club around. Like to sing - find the nearest chapter of Gay Men's Chorus. Etc. Etc.

At least as important, don't make finding a relationship the be all and end all of your life or think that finding it will complete you. That almost never works out well. Instead, do what you can to make the kind of life for yourself that you like to live - including being around other gay people and having fun with them - and treat a relationship as the icing on the cake, not the only reason to eat the meal.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

Regardless of your sexual orientation, finding a relationship can be hard. Straight or Gay.

 

Hi...

You're not alone. I felt the same way when I first came out. To be honest I still have days when I feel this way. It took me a while... and I still have good/bad days...
I thankfully found this forum and though I have only been here a few days, I have chatted to some really nice people. I know it sounds weird but I feel welcome.

I recently deleted my Facebook profile. Totally gone. Not just deactivated. I found that social media/networking was having a more negative impact on me after all. I feel freer. My dearest friends all understood and we stay in touch now via e-mail or other messenger apps.

I too am like you in that I don't go to bars or even clubs. Just not my thing at all. And living in Korea - being gay may as well be invisible. This forum is a huge help. It gave me the chance to talk to other people about how I feel and I know you will find the same.

Ever need to talk, I'm here. As are heaps of others

*hugs*

 

There are advantages to being attracted to men as a man. You just haven't experienced yet how it feels to be in love with a man and the feeling of connection that comes from both intimacy and an innate understanding of who they are. Maybe, think about it a tiny bit diifferently, most men can never feel the attraction that you feel towards men. They will only ever be able to be in a relationship with a woman.Think about what you find exciting about being with another man, what you find attractive and beautiful and know that this is something that someone straight will never feel and experience.

We all have our lives to live, yes, it would have been much simpler if we were born straight and even more so if cisgender but in the end, that's who we are and our unique experiences and challenges give our lives meaning and make this journey through life so much more exciting and interesting.

(*hug*)

Eveline

 

I know it's not what you want to hear but I'll chime in and agree with Todd. The problem isn't that you're gay. The problem is how you feel about it. And frankly you're right. Feeling the way you do about being gay is going to make your life very difficult. I've been out for over twenty years and I honestly don't "fear judgement or being treated differently" for being gay, haven't for decades. Don't get me wrong I fear judgement and being treated differently about other things--everyone (straight, gay or otherwise) does. But if anything being gay has helped me fear that sort of judgement less. But as long as you feel the way you do, that fear will always be part of you.

You're right, in your own way, on the relationship thing too. Again not because of being gay, but because of the way you feel about it. I've had a very rewarding and satisfying romantic life, culminating with my husband--we've been together for 18 years. Frankly, I've had a lot of straight people express envy about my romantic life, both my former single life and my married life. I've known, and dated, a lot of wonderful sweet men over the years--all sorts of guys. But you know the one type that would be out of bounds for me? Somebody who felt the way you do about being gay--I just wouldn't invite that into my life. And I know I'm not alone.

You don't have a lot of choice about being gay. You've got that right. You do have a LOT of choice about how you feel about it. And I think it frankly really could make or break your life. Shouldn't you at least try?

 

OK, so I get it. Lots of people live perfectly fulfilling, perfectly gay lives, but it's not for you. OK. Some people like avocados and some don't--the ones who don't are wrong, but I don't judge...

So... don't be gay. The way you've constructed your problem, that's the only solution. So just don't be gay. If on the other hand, you find that you can't not be gay, maybe you should look at constructing the "problem" differently...