I started seeing a therapist a while back to help sort out various issues. She was experienced with trauma so at first she seemed like a natural fit. I like her but I'm not sure it's working out. Part of me feels like there's too much wrong with me. So it's hard for me to talk about anything at the appointments because I don't know where to even begin. And by the time I'm finally comfortable to bring anything up the appointment's over. The sessions are only about an hour long and ten minutes of that's billing. I mean, we talk and all. But that's it. I don't feel like I'm learning anything or getting better. How long is it supposed to take before I see results? Sometimes I feel worse because Insurance won't cover my appointments either. And it's becoming difficult for me to afford the sessions. They're about $90 and she doesn't offer sliding scale. Do I keep on or look elsewhere?
Therapy is a very personal process, and the way a therapist and client engage is never the same with any two clients. If you aren't getting much done in sessions, then your therapist is doing a shitty job. (Sadly, many do.) The therapist should be able to shape and guide the conversation to get to the important places where you're feeling stuck. If she isn't doing that, then it isn't benefiting you. A good therapist will ask probing questions to bring out what's going on. I could probably talk to you for 10 or 15 minutes and come up with a roadmap of topics to cover for the next 12 sessions... and I'm not a therapist. As far as feeling worse... that isn't an uncommon outcome, in the short term, with good therapy. On the contrary, good therapy is work, and you'll often come out feeling shitty because it's bringing out issues you need to work on, highlighting the areas where you need to work, and basically exposing the discomfort. It shouldn't be continuously awful, but there are definitely ups and downs with good therapy. I would suggest it might be time to try a different therapist. If you can describe in brief what you feel like the issues are, I might be able to suggest areas of competence to look for in a therapist.
Thanks. I mean, I've only had about three appointments with her so part of me wants to give it at least one more try before I set out to find a new therapist. Part of my problem too is that I have trouble telling people what my issues are. It almost feels like sessions aren't enough work. We talk about how my day's been and just focus on one issue (like last couple sessions it was about the holidays...I'd had panic attacks for weeks up until the session but we never even got to talk about that). I just kinda feel sidelined by the whole thing. Honestly, you'd probably be a better therapist than anyone I've ever seen. This therapist is definitely one of the better ones I've had. My last therapist was a whackjob who believed in magic and thought blue food additives caused autism. I mean, that's the thing. I feel like a wreck because I feel like I have too many issues to deal with. My dad died a couple years ago. I have learning and hearing issues. I've got social anxiety. I was raped a year ago. I've been depressed since I was a teenager. And I've got a really hard time trusting other people. Part of me wants to go on medication too. With a lot of therapists, it seems like they either only want to focus on my gender or one specific thing.
I was in therapy for two years, so it's not an overnight process. From your description, it sounds as though you may be actually starting to make some initial progress, but you just don't realize it. You come by yourself, indicate that it's hard for you to open up so in asking you about your day and such she's trying to get an idea of where to head, sort of looking for an opening as it were.
I have done a lot of research on therapy because of my emotional issues and persistent low intensity depression. The things Chip said is all good advice. Scientific evidence suggests that the key to successful therapy is the personal dynamics between the patient and the therapist. This is the most critical issue. Obviously there are good and bad therapists but just because someone is a good therapist doesn't mean they are suitable to any patient. The question you need to ask is do you feel that the therapist understands you? Do you feel comfortable talking about potentially embarrassing issues without fear of judgement or betrayal? Do you like the working method that the therapist is using? It is not at all uncommon that you may have to see number of therapists before you find one you can work with. If you feel uncertain, you may even at the same time see other therapists to see if they would be a better match. However, please be sure you only see therapists with actual professional qualifications. There are a lot of snake oil sellers out there. Also, bear in mind that depending on the depth of your problems the therapy might take years but like Chip said it shouldn't take that long to see some results. I saw a therapist once on recommendation of my university psychologist. In my case the therapist said that historically with patients like me the total running time of therapy has been 3 years with on average 2 sessions per week and one should see some results within the first month. I feel he was real pro. He stated at the beginning of the session that this session is used to evaluate if we are a good match and that he is selective with his clients. So if he doesn't feel that our dynamics is good he wouldn't accept me as a patient and that if that happened I shouldn't take it personally as he is selecting methods, not people. In the end he would have taken me as client but I couldn't afford his rate: about $90/h. Now I'm saving so that I could actually go to therapy.
