So, me and another guy have become friends from having a college class together this year. Really nice kid, quite good looking actually, but I'm not interested at all (he is straight as well, so nothing there anyways - lol). Anyways, I'm hooking him up with a girl in our class that he likes. Now we are texting and he is asking me about girls I like and who I'm interested in and all this stuff. I came up with a lie that I liked a girl back home just so I wouldn't have to say I like someone at college. This guy is the farthest thing from homophobic but I'm only out to one person and we aren't at a level of friendship where I'm ready to come out to him. I have a feeling he is going to try to hook me up with girls and I really don't want to get in a relationship or even go on a date with a girl because it would be wrong. What can I say to avoid this situation? I hate lying, but I'm not ready to tell anyone I'm gay yet, let alone a guy I made friends with this semester. Thanks for any responses!
I would recommend to say to him that you're not interested in dating anyone, and that you'd rather wait until after you're done with college. If he asks why, tell him because you're not ready. If he's good friend, he'll understand you and back off.
Seconded. If anything I think the fact that you've only known him for a semester makes it easier, because, say, if he were to turn his back on you, you wouldn't be losing much. And I assume he is not deeply entwined with your other social circles, so there's little chance of him outing you to the people you care about even if he wanted (assuming he would be the kind of person to do that, which I doubt). I dunno, I've always found that it's way easier to come out to relatively unknown people than it is to come out to family or friends that have known you all your life, because you have the opportunity of coming clean from the start, rather than upending all the pre-conceived notions they have held about you for the last whichever-many-years.
Say what you need to if you're not ready to tell him. You can say you're not ready to date girls. And don't worry about it being dishonest right now because I'm sure if you do decide to come out to him in the future he'll be completely understanding about it anyway.
Oh goodness! I've had experience of this when my all straight friends were looking at girls and saying she looks nice, why dont talk to her? Somehow I have always managed to wriggle out of awkward moments especially when my friend tried to set me up, by faking illness after a few drinks! If your not ready to reveal your gay just yet, I would say to tell your friend your not looking for anyone at the moment.
Thanks for all the replies. I am thinking about telling him next time we hang out because as some of you said, losing him as a friend wouldn't be too big of a deal at this point since we aren't extremely close yet. I honestly doubt this will happen though; he said he has gay friends, seems to be very accepting, and he even admitted 3 gay guys asked him out in the past LOL. I have to let him know I think he'll be a cool friend and that I'm not trying to go past friends with him - haha.
Came out to the friend today when we ended up talking about girls again. I felt bad lying to him and making him believe I was interested in a girl. He was really accepting, acted like it was no big deal, and said it wouldn't affect the friendship. The 'out status' climbs to two friends!
