The past months have been incredably hard for me. When I wans't school, I had rehearsals for a musical and when I was at home, I did not have free time, I had to study because recently, 3 exams per week are normal. And just as if that wasnt enough, the whole questioning became more serious and serious. I feel like I cant anymore. The only time when I am "free", is when I am sleeping, and I am not getting enough from that. And when I decide to take a break and leave that damn school stuff for an hour, I hate myself for that later, because I cant keep up anymore. This has come to a point, where I skip school to have free time and hope for people to make parties, so I can drink and escape my world. It's gone so far, that I am thinking of putting vodka in my water bottle at school, just so I dont have to be my present self I know this isnt good. And it would be so easy to just say 'f*ck it all' and leave my school stuff. But it isnt that easy. I feel burnt out. I feel like I need help.
Is it possible that maybe you can remove some things from your life that you do not need? Perhaps you can put a hiatus on a project you've been working on, or leave a club that you no longer have time for, or a sport? It's not healthy to have no free time for yourself. Perhaps your studying can be tweaked as well. Are you spending all your study time efficiently, or is it spent very loosely, with you getting up and doing other things? A concentrated, no distraction 1 hour study session can save you a lot of time.
I already quit drama class, so the only things left are the musical and art class, and those are basically the reasons why I still go to school everyday. Without them, there wouldnt be anything left. I try to be concentrated with the goal of finishing earlier, but I just cant anymore. After 20min or half an hour I feel like I am collapsing soon, I dont even have the energy to concentrate anymore. I know this must look like a fifteen year old who seeks attention, but I am really at the end.
Look, I am in the exact same place you are. I almost have no free time, as you can tell by my recent hiatus from EC (the few-weeks-long one, not the two year one), I've been stacked with SOO much work. I chose to take the hardest classes in all of history, and it takes up all of my time. The only time I feel cut off is when I sleep, too, but even then, it still feels like all of that stress is on me. But here is what I do to cope. Once in a while, just remind yourself of those little breaks you get from school, or even joke about the situation to lighten the mood. It gets rough sometimes, especially when you're dealing with this inner monologue of how to come out to certain people (bothers me all the time, especially when it comes to my parents). But the best thing to do is think positive. It's always going to be difficult sometimes, but looking at the silver lining and focusing on that exit out of school (for me it's my relationship cx) is the best way to go. You got this, kiddo.
