I've... been dealing with an inability to do things for awhile now I guess. Maybe it's depression and anxiety (as some people think), maybe it's just fear and laziness (as a lot of people seem to think). I don't know. I have very little motivation in my day to day life and I can hardly focus on things for more than a small amount of time before zoning out. I try to take care of myself as best as I can and know how (my diet isn't too great and I don't exercise much, but who does?) but I'm often tired and just want to stay in bed. I'm not in college and don't have a job (something my parents have been getting increasingly frustrated over) and whenever I try to make myself apply for one, I just seem to freeze and can't make myself do it, occasionally even feeling physically sick trying to make myself. My education wasn't that great so I know I'd probably not do very well in college and don't even know what I'd want to study anyways. Pretty much all I do all day is sit at the computer and just do random stuff like refreshing Facebook or Twitter or just stare off into space and daydream. I mean sometimes I'm fine. Usually it's just that I'm feeling really blah, not like I'm just constantly miserable or something. I hang out with friends once a week and have music lessons and am currently enrolled in a class (my parents made me) so those are things I guess. I'll be happy and having fun and stuff and feel more motivation to get my life on track, but it doesn't seem to last very long. I use to really love to draw and make music, but I can't seem to really bring myself to do either except occasionally practice them... but actually making something meaningful? Rarely. I use to talk to my friend about my problems (their problems too, of course) about once every 1 - 2 months for about a year or two, but lately they've gotten frustrated with nothing really changing for me so they haven't been as willing to talk as long as they once were. Whether that's my fault, or they're just becoming more of an :***:, I don't know. Either way, I've been feeling pretty alone so when they just kind of brush it off it feels like it hurts more than it should. I can't talk to really any of my family or other friends about this stuff because, well, they're the type of people you can't really talk to about these kinds of things. Sorry for kind of being all over the place I guess... I don't normally do this so don't really know what to write. Don't even really know why I'm posting all of this... basically i'm feeling really pathetic and like i'm just :bang: and i don't know how to fix myself
I feel like that too. Do you have anhedonia as well? That is the inability to feel pleasure. Like the frontal part of my brain is cemented and my stomach is kinda empty. I can't enjoy a book, or a film, a conversation with a friend etc. I've started researching it, and concluded that it is depression and anxiety mixed together. But my advice is to stop labeling it. It is what it is. You need to get to the bottom of it. You have to come out to people. If your parents and friends are not the type of people to talk about this, then find people that will understand you. You have to build up the courage to deal with it. Once you come out you will feel that all of this misery has been senseless, illogical, and made up by yourself. Once you start realizing that the nature of your anxious, depressing thoughts is irrelevant you'll start to rebuild your life. You'll start working or studying etc. Don't worry! But don't focus on what it is, or why nothing seems to work out. You know why nothing seems to work out. So deal with it.
Dear Helios, What you have described is the classical symptoms of moderate to severe depression. Considering how long it has lasted I would say that it will not go away on its own and you definitely need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist rather sooner than later. Depression is an actual disease that visibly affects your brain and it shows up even in a brain scan. You may need anti-depressants, therapy or both but a psychiatrist will know what to do. The thing is that while depressed people lose their interest in virtually everything, they cannot concentrate and they cannot bring themselves to do even the most basic things. It is crucial that you treat your depression first as nothing else will succeed unless you have it under control. Where do you live? Can you afford to seek help?
I suppose you could have depression or anhedonia or some other ailment but when you describe your situation, with your joblessness and poor education, I think anyone would feel blah and want to stay in bed. I had a friend like you once. Really nice guy but I have to admit I got tired of listening to the same old story of his having no direction in life. Then one day he said he was going to walk the entire Appellation trail from end to end. He was very overweight so I didn't believe him for a minute but he did it. It took him months and he lost all of his fat and when he came back he was a changed person. Today he owns a recording studio in San Francisco. I'm not suggesting you do the same, the trail can be a dangerous place to walk alone, but the magic in what he did was the fact that once he started he had to finish it. You need to set yourself up with a challenge that you will be forced to keep. I suggest you volunteer to help the needy. Habitat for Humanity would be a good suggestion. When you see how excited and hopefull the families are to get a home you will be so motivated to help them you won't have time to feel blah. And once you have kickstarted your life, new directions will make themselves known to you.
Spoiler Well, I doubt it's something like anhedonia. Like I said, sometimes I'm fine which is partly why I've been hesitant to honestly consider depression. I can hang out with friends and have fun, enjoy a good joke, enjoy a good game, enjoy a movie, etc... often it feels kind of superficial/hollow/slightly disconnected, but I'm still able to enjoy them (sort of like eating m&ms? You eat one and it's kind of good but then it's gone... Did that metaphor come across right?). On an average day it's mostly just a feeling a blahness and not an actual lack of feeling. Ah, coming out would be nice, but I'm not really social online and the only other person I could probably tell can't really be trusted to keep it a secret. That's definitely something I'd like to work on though. I wouldn't say that I'm not interested in anything, just that I've lost interest in a lot of things that don't involve sitting at a computer and daydreaming... sometimes even when I want to do something, I feel a huge amount of resistance and can't. Occasionally there are days where I can hardly seem to do anything, but for the most part I've been decently good at making myself do basic things even if I haven't felt like it. I live in the mid-west of the U.S.A. and no, probably not without my parent's help. I'm trying my best to explain all of this but it's difficult for me to put into words. Spoiler Well the issue is that I felt this way before a job or my education was even a concern, so it's more likely they're just kind of contributing to it. Getting frustrated or tired after hearing about the same issues multiple times is understandable... it's just that my friend's reason, even though they are genuinely frustrated at nothing really changing, seemed to be more that it's just not as interesting to them. That was a cool thing your friend did. I've considered doing similar things in the past (not nearly as big of a goal) but would likely just get myself hurt or worse, ha ha... Multiple people have told me that I simply need something to dedicate myself to and then everything will fall into place. Maybe they're right and it actually is that simple... I actually have volunteered a couple of times at the local food pantry. It was definitely nice to help those in need and I enjoyed doing it, but it wasn't really something that gave my life meaning or motivation. Whatever the reason that was, it was the only place close enough that I know of where I could volunteer for something like that and they closed down.
