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Am I getting "the gay" thing too seriously?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by The Falcon, Dec 21, 2015.

  1. The Falcon

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I've suffered a lot because of my homosexual thoughts. I've felt paranoid, anxious, depressed, empty, alone, fearful etc. It brought me emotional turmoils, nausea, guilt, self-neglect, fear and so much more... When I was a teenager I felt really guilty and depressed. I still do at times. I am a person that tends to see the world very seriously, but here is my problem:

    Since I started coming out and accepting all of this, all of the people say that I am way over my head. I hear things like: "Relax dude, everything's fine, you've been torturing yourself for nothing.", "When you talk about homosexuality you seem different, quite anxious, worried and distressed", "Life is not that scary and hard....". My best friend was the first person to came out to and he started laughing out loud. He accepted it just fine, like a joke. Most of the people don't get life seriously. I am melancholy and philosophical about everything, maybe that's my general problem, BUT my question to you is: Am I delusional to feel like this? Is the suffering real or just something I made up in my head?

    I keep telling everyone that many people still live out there married to a person of the opposite sex, living in a lie, with kids even. That is serious! Being 40 years old for example and realizing that your whole life you've been a false person, destroying so many lives. On the other hand, many young people such as myself have committed suicide. So I don't think I am delusional, the pain is real, the suffering is real. We are talking about human lives people. It is hard, and they can't be laughing at me for it... Am I wrong?
     
  2. Steve FS

    Regular Member

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    What is it that makes you feel all these negative emotions? You have to get to the root of everything in order to help feel better about your sexuality.

    As for your last paragraph, I understand that something like that is serious, but that's not something that you're going to do, right? The thought of pretending to be straight and having a family brings anxiety, yes, but you don't have a family and you haven't ruined any lives, so why worry? Just take it for what it is - an unfortunate circumstance, not your personal reality.
     
    #2 Steve FS, Dec 21, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2015
  3. Magenta Mucus

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    Not wrong at all. I understand that you have had pain and guilt and depression because you have had a lot of negative thoughts and perhaps some shame/fear of the idea. It could eat a person up, and they don't understand it. Neither do I, really, but I could only imagine your situation.
     
  4. Euler

    Regular Member

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    Your anxiety and fear is real if you feel them. However, what is the true cause of these emotions is not clear cut. To me it sounds that your problems are not caused by your sexuality but something else.