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Family pressure

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by whynot, Dec 21, 2015.

  1. whynot

    whynot Guest

    well.. recently my brother would not stop talking about a girl that she like.. i wouldn't say i'm not happy for him.. but now it always starts a sensitive topic for me.. my mom would always say that some of her friends would ask her if i already have a boyfriend.. then she would even go as far as tell me that as long as the guy is decent they wouldn't mind.. it's sweet really.. but the problem is i'm not into boys.. and whenever she says something about me having a boyfriend i feel guilty for not telling them about being gay.. it doesn't help that whenever my cousins would meet me at a family gathering the first thing they ask is if i'm dating somebody or if i have a boyfriend.. seriously though.. even if i'm straight and into boys.. what's wrong with being single.. anyway.. i know my parents would like to one day see me get married and have my own family.. and now i'm feeling the pressure of finding somebody just so they would stop asking me about it.. i hate disappointing them.. and i'm afraid i'll do something i'll regret.. like marrying a man even if i'm totally not into boys..

    i know things would be easier if i come out.. but i don't think i'm ready yet.. i just care too much about what they think about me.. and i'm afraid i'll somehow disappoint them..
     
  2. Really

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    This tough. What about if you simply said, "Thanks for asking. For now there's nobody but when I have something to share, I'll let you know."

    Hopefully, this will stop them from continually asking.
     
  3. whynot

    whynot Guest

    i've actually tried saying that.. but they're relentless.. i sometimes even consider not going to family reunions just so i don't need to answer their questions.. i even opted to just smiling at them when they're asking.. i'm too tired of answering them.. sometimes they even try to set me up to someone they know.. and that's really awkward..
     
  4. Aspen

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    Ugh the boyfriend question. There's nothing wrong with being single but, unfortunately, adults tend to get curious. It's an easy question to ask to them rather than trying to think of other things they might be able to talk to you about.

    Try: "I don't have a boyfriend, I'm really busy with [insert favorite class/club you're involved in/work/sports/hobby/etc here]." This will give them something to talk about that you also enjoy.

    Don't date someone just to get your family off your back. You're not disappointing them. It's your life and who and when you date is your business.
     
  5. Rydia

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    I feel your pain. When I was younger I dreaded visits with relatives and family friends because of the constant interrogation about boyfriends. Didn't seem like any answer I gave would stop them from prying, so I just resorted to nodding and smiling and non-committal answers for the most part.

    Once I got into my college years and had moved away from home I had to deal with the phone calls from my mom and the guilt trips about not sharing the information she felt entitled to because I refused to discuss dating with her at all, but eventually, after a few angry conversations, she finally quit asking about it.

    I think what bothered me moreso than having to come up with answers was that it always felt like because I was a girl, having a boyfriend was considered to be the most important or interesting topic of my life.

    Anyhow, what ended up working best for me was to just say no and then try to steer the conversation elsewhere and if they persisted I'd either just flat out say, "let's talk about something else" or excuse myself from the conversation and go do something else.

    Good luck.
     
  6. whynot

    whynot Guest

    Thank you.. i'll try saying that.. sometimes i just feel the pressure about having to marry someone someday.. same-sex marriage is not legal in my country.. so there's that.. and being the only daughter i know my father hopes to one day walk me down the aisle..

    ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2015 at 09:53 AM ----------

    Thank you.. this will really help me in our family reunion this Christmas.. anyway.. it also bothers me that they sometimes tell me that it would be such a let down if i don't get married.. and it really annoys me..
     
  7. Monraffe

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    Well, definitely don't marry a boy just to please them, that would be kind of silly. :roflmao: "Too busy" would be my first thought. "I don't want to talk about it" is good too but the problem with both of these is they aren't satisfying answers for them so they keep asking. You need a response that will shut them up. Something closer to "I don't want to date boys" without outing yourself. Maybe "l like boys but I'm not interested in dating right now, I have other plans."
     
  8. bidemi

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    No matter what you do don't marry or date a boy to please them.One of the worst things to happen to a gay person,is to be stuck in a marriage with someone you are not sexually or romantically attracted to.Its like living in misery.