Hey guys, So I have a bit of an issue that I want to get some advice on because it's kinda strange to bring up with friends. I had been looking for a room to rent for the coming year and had wanted a young roommate that I could maybe spend some time with as I felt I was needing some new friends. Anyway, due to the area I live in, I need to share a space if I want to be close to work and school. And so to find a place, most resort to craigslist or mutual friends to find places. Of course, I was using the former and had come across several places that seemed fitting but there was always one thing that I found I disliked. I had my choice down to 3-4 rooms, where I would either have a very small room, trouble parking, or dealing with children (ew, ew, and heelll nooo). So 3 days ago, I stumbled across an ad of a professional looking for a gay friendly student/professional and everything fit the bill. I'd be within 15 minutes of work and school, have my own parking, my own bathroom, and be paying cheaper rent than some of my other choices. Well anyway, I met this guy, Steve, we'll call him. He was showing me the room and then he had me sit down and tell him a little more about myself. I mentioned I was working 2 jobs and when I told him where, right away, he realized that we had quickly met during his training as he was employed at a different district within the company. This of course led to us connecting more...which led to him flirting...and before I knew it, our clothes were off and I was having sex with my future roommate. I enjoyed it (even tho he's a little kinky for me), but I feel like he might expect us to keep sleeping together (as one day later, we were sleeping in his bed). I should probably mention that when we were about to have sex, he at first didn't want to use condoms, but after I explained to him I wasnt going to have sex without them, he seemed a little hurt. He respected my decision but he also said that I should trust him. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a great guy; he's cute, and funny, and he enjoys talking to me but what I'm worried about is trusting him too much. I have only recently been on my own and have been paying cash for my rent at my last place. I'm worried if I don't pay him in a more "tracked" way he could do some heavy damage if for some reason he decides he doesn't want me there anymore. I signed a lease to him and I paid him my deposit already so there's no amount of favoring or leverage there but I'm wondering if I should just stick to a money order/cashier's check. This worries me even more because I don't want him to get offended by me deciding to all of a,sudden change how I pay him and feel like I don't trust him but at the same time I'm not about to be taken advantage of...not again. Please help :tears:
Adams Business Forms 2-Part Rent Receipt Book, 2-Part Carbonless, 200 Forms - Walmart.com This is a rent receipt book thing, so when you go to pay your landlord you just write in the date and amount and you both get a copy stating you paid. That way you will have proof that you paid.
Keep the business piece separate...seems like that's what you're trying to do. Once you've got a a good pattern with the business piece you'll be able to relax. Whether he becomes your boyfriend or not you'll be able to sleep at night knowing that he can't take advantage of you. Peace.
I agree with everyone else. It isn't even a matter of trust... people forget things and it's within the realm of possibility that one or the other of you might not remember details. If you keep everything in writing, it works to both your and his advantage. On a separate note... I'd be really cautious. Personally, I would never mix a sexual relationship with a landlord/tenant one because there's just way too much that could very easily get really messed up if somebody's feelings end up hurt. Not to mention the bullshit about his not wanting to use a condom... that would have been an *enormous* red flag as I guarantee it's going to come up again if you continue having sex with him. So just keep your guard up and be aware that since from the get-go, the boundaries are already really, really fuzzy, you may need to start establishing some boundaries before it gets even more out of hand.
Today he sent me 2 videos of him having sex with I have no clue who while I'm at work. Why would he think that's ok?
Sorry to hear of your experience. There's no way that's OK for a whole list of reasons. You might want to think about looking for another place. The guy has no boundaries and if this is happening this early, it's likely a good predictor of future problems.
I really don't know what to do. I literally have no one that would help me with this, plus my notice at my current place expires at the end of December. I have one other place in mind but I don't know if I can afford it with me already paying him my security deposit. The lease is for 1 year.
Well... you have the collective mind of EC to help you at least to the limits that we can. First, I think I'd talk with him and tell him that you don't feel like it's going to work out and you aren't comfortable with how things are going and you're going to need to find something else. Be prepared for him to promise the world and do everything possible to convince you to stay... the fact that his ad specifically said he was looking for a gay-friendly student would seem to indicate he was hoping for the situation that has happened. But I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him. Again, the fact that all this has happened in the first week... I can pretty much guarantee it will continue to get worse, so anything he promises I think you can take with a grain of salt. I wouldn't be surprised if his sending you the pics was intended to make you feel jealous or, worse, hint around that he's looking for a three-way or something. If he's any sort of a decent human being he will understand and let you out of the lease and give you your deposit back and perhaps charge you only a couple of weeks rent or something. Hopefully he will be. If he doesn't, there are other options to, um, encourage him to be a decent guy but hopefully that won't be necessary. My experience with shared roommate situations is that people are often looking last minute, and rooms tend to open up last minute. So it's very possible that if you are diligent in looking, you can find something. Put up a "room/roommates wanted" ad on Craigslist, and scour what you see there as well. I don't know if Hotpads.com serves your area, but you might check that as well. Also, at least in this area, single rooms for rent in shared houses are generally either month-to-month or short-term leases (unless it's 3 or 4 of you renting directly from the homeowner). This is definitely a solvable problem. I know it might seem a little overwhelming right now, but the main thing is to take action immediately. Feel free to PM me if you need additional input, and if you continue to post here, you're likely to get additional help from others as well.
Ok, so there's another detail I should probably mention. He has a Thai husband that lives in NY and comes down on the weekends to visit. I was ok with this until yesterday when he notified me that come February, his husband will be moving in with us. He explained to me that his husband needs to get citizenship so they can get married but also said that he believes he is doing it just to get citizenship. I can't tell if he's telling the truth or if he's doing that to give me a false sense of hope that he somehow likes me to make me want to stay and be his roommate. He hasn't gone over changes with the lease regarding that^ and me being the young inexperienced person that I am, don't know much about leases other than to read through it and see how many things he can sue me for. I assume he could adjust the rents but I don't know the technicalities of that as he is my landlord, also my roommate, and I still have my own room and bathroom, although I now have to share common areas with one other person now. The thing is I feel like I could trust him and if he tries to take advantage of me, I could charge him with things like his changing living conditions and him doing unwanted sexual gestures. I just don't know whether I should trust him or not. I don't wanna be paranoid and give up on an opportunity to have roommates that could function as friends but I don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass when I think I'm safe. We seem to have a nice relationship otherwise as we had just all gone bowling together on Saturday, but then I second guess and think if he's just trying to gain my trust?
Hey, I'm really close to Herndon. Loudoun county FTW! Anyway, I think your situation went from bad to worse, and the more you share the sketchier this guy comes across. Would you really want to be 'the other man' in someone's marriage- even if it a platonic marriage. He really sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, so to speak. And you being young and inexperienced in my advice should RUN, before you find a rent that keeps going up or a rape case here. I don't know too much about said landlord, but he seems very manipulative. Please find a different place to live: I know it's not that simple.
Honestly I think you should take Chip's advice. Run for the hills. There are too many red flags here for you to ignore.
I'm a landlord/roommate, so I have a guy renting a room in my condo. I had him sign a contract before he moved in that stipulated the terms of payment, how and when he can leave, permissible and banned conduct (i.e. no smoking or pets), and my obligations to him. It's a way to cover both of us should the other one fail to uphold the terms we agreed to. What this guy is doing is wrong on so many levels. You should definitely get out of there, as others have suggested. Look at the terms of whatever contract you signed. Read it carefully and have someone else (especially if you know someone in the legal or real estate field) look it over too if necessary. Anything in there that might give you an "out," take it. If it means paying a little extra to leave early, it might well be worth it.
