Quick background on me: I am late 20s, gay, male, virgin - haven't been with anyone because of a lack of sex drive, medication is now turning that round, and I am starting to explore myself... I've been trying to push myself to explore more but I am overweight and have poor body image of myself anyways. I wanted to talk to more gay guys so I have been on this 'dating' app, I am sure you all know it. At the moment I am away from London with my family for Christmas, opened up the app and saw a guy that I messaged, he described himself as a 'chubby bear' so I thought I might have more chance of acceptance than some toned hairless guy my age, we got chatting, he's was a bit keen for me to come over to his and have sex, I pushed back and explained I wasn't really up for that given that I am at my parents and it's Christmas eve... Anyways, we messaged a bit, both of us we're clearly turned on by the chat, telling me things he wanted to do. We exchanged photos, nothing with a face on, although his profile had his face on it. I am super nervous, I explained a bit more to him and said I'd like to find someone who wants to show me the ropes, he seemed quite into that, I am kinda wary of it being a prize for someone. Also meeting guys randomly seems way outside my comfort zone. I really don't know what to do, I want to meet him, and go at my own pace, which he seems into, but I've known him for 15 minutes online in some pretty hot banter and pix and I am not sure how much the testosterone in my blood is telling me to do this... I guess just looking for advice. Also if we did meet up, I know safe sex says use a condom, but how many people actually use that for oral, I know I am clean, but I can't really be sure he is? How do these things go down, I am overthinking this...
Being nervous the first time is normal. Being 'a prize' for someone because they were your first is more a matter of personal taste and probably not that big of a deal. If that were the only issue you were considering, I'd probably recommend not worrying about it. However, if meeting someone like what you're describing is 'way outside of your comfort zone' than it may be best to wait for a time and place that is more in your comfort zone. As far as how to decide if you are thinking rationally about this or if it's the hormones talking - if possible, find some privacy and masturbate - when you're no longer horny consider the question at hand and see what you think of it then. Finally, the odds of catching something from oral are much less than from anal, but not zero. So if it is something that really concerns you, you can either use a condom (your partner needs to agree to this obviously) or not do oral with someone until/unless you have seen recent test results showing that they aren't carrying something are know them well enough to be reasonably trusting that that situation won't change while you are with them. Hope this helps, Todd
Hi, Being someone who has only recently been in your place I will share my experience with you. So about three months ago I felt like I had been missing out and making a big deal about sex. I'm 25 and really wanted to have my first experience. I had decided to just go for and stop waiting for love. Not saying you should do the same just saying that now that I don't have to worry about a guy freaking out about my virginity meeting guys in the real work seems easier. Now the guy I ended up meeting has no clue he was the first. After three months we are still friends and he has been my only intimate partner. I would say living in New York I feel like I got lucky to have met a guy who appears to be a considerate person. For me he is my chance to have and experiment with sex and the things I like in a safe environment with someone who respects me. The one mistake I realized I made going into it was not asking him what he was into. Meaning some guys are into more kinky forms of sex and I think it's important to know this going into these causal experiences because you don't want to be ambushed. First rule: you can always say no if you get there and are not sure anymore. I've had to do this before and this is why I am happy with just my one partner. Second rule: this might be tricky but try and let someone know where you will be just in case. Like I said I feel extremely lucky to have met the guy I did. Granted the first time was actually pretty scary because I didn't ask him what he was into. Be safe. Remember you can change your even if it's the last minute.
