Hey EC, it has been a while. I'm posting here because I am starting to become a bit unsure about if I am in the right relationship. For a brief background on my relationship, I (24) have been with my boyfriend (33) for 4 years now. We have been living together for about 2 years as well. We are both still in the closet to nearly everyone, including both of our families, but that is something I could write another whole thread about (and I might at some point). In addition, it is the first gay relationship for both of us. He dated girls previously, but I did not. He was even my first kiss. There is a much more detailed thread about how we met and first started dating in another thread of mine called "My Story" (warning: its VERY long). Anyways, just to preface the rest of this post, in genial I would consider myself pretty indecisive and I tend to question things a lot. So, My boyfriend, let me just start by telling you all how I feel about him. I'm in love with him, and I love spending time with him. We have such a similar sense of humor and we get along amazingly well most of the time (of course there are exceptions). He is also amazing sweet and caring, he definitely puts me before himself in many situations in our relationships and I try to do the same for him, because I love him and want him to be happy. Now, it probably sounds like everything is fine and dandy at this point, which it is. The conflicted feeling arises elsewhere. When we first started dating I remember thinking he was gorgeous, I literally couldn't take my eyes off of him. Things have changed a bit since then. I still find him attractive, but he does not get my heart pounding like he used to when he gets out of the shower and walks by me before getting dressed. I'm not sure if it is because he has gotten a bit older, less in shape, or if I have just become desensitized to him in some way. I find myself checking out other guys at the gym and around town more and more often instead of just checking out my boyfriend, and honestly I feel really bad about it. I wish I was more attracted to him again. It's really not that I don't find him attractive, but he doesn't take my breath away like some other gorgeous guys I see around do. I probably would't feel so bad about it, but he constantly tells me how amazing I look. I'll tell him similar, but its obvious he is much more infatuated with my looks than the other way around. He consistently tells me I am on a level of attractiveness above the rest of humanity. It makes me feel amazing, but at the same time I feel like a piece of crap because I don't feel the same way about him. Anyone else ever go though something similar? Or just have general advice? Any opinions welcome.
Dear alex1170, Now, obviously I cannot know your situation exactly but to me this is perfectly normal. Let me explain why, and this btw, applies to straight relations too. It's all about brain chemistry. There is difference of loving someone and being "in love". Love is more or less stable and constant state of mind where you have affectionate feelings towards someone. Falling in love and being in love on the other hand are temporary states caused by chemical imbalance in our brain and it has nothing to do with loving someone. We fall in love with looks but we love the person behind the looks. Falling in love is actually the same as having a crush on someone. Typically these feelings last between 6 months to a few years and it happens to everyone. Not coincidentally this also coincides with peak in divorce rates. It's normal that you might have a crush on someone else or check out other guys. However, bear in mind that no matter how some guy gets your heart pounding it is not going to last as that is your brain going crazy on chemicals and eventually it will settle down. Ultimately people stay together because they decided to stay together (hopefully because they love each other), not because they are crazily in love with each other.
