I identify as being straight but curious. I am sexually attracted to women. One night I hung out with a gay friend and drank myself to a blackout. We ended up hooking up, but I was unaware what was going go. I was just making out with anyone at this point, he gave me oral. He said that I seem to enjoy it. Never thought I could do something like that. I was curious, so I hooked up with him again a week later to experience this other side of me I never knew about. Comes to find out, I identify as being straight, and it wasn't my thing. Here is the problem. He fell for me. He fell for me hard. He started taking me out on dates; I am thinking it is a friendship thing, even after I told him I am not in to that. He even gave me gifts, and I have nothing to give to him. Nor was I sexually attracted to him. Some reason I casted some sort of spell on him and I don't know how to break it. He is a cool guy and I wanted to be friends, but he wants more, and I don't. I told him the situation. I reminded him that I am straight, and I am sexually attracted to women, but he doesn't believe me. He keeps calling me bae, boo, and all these pet names. He even told me he loves me. I asked him to stop. I feel bad. I feel like I used him like a tool to experiment with myself. I feel as though I am in the wrong. What can I do to break this spell?
Hey, First of all. Thank you for handling this matter in a civilized and caring manner. Not many people have the emotional capacity and maturity to still be friends after such experience. Now, let me ask a few more questions. How old are you and how old is your friend? Are you his "first love"? To me it sounds like he took advantage of your drunken state rather than you taking advantage of him. If when you hooked up with him the week later you told him you just want to experiment or try, there is nothing anyone can hold against you. Also, unless you tried to seduce him, him falling in love with you is beyond your control so don't feel guilty about that either. Now, how to make him realize you are not interested. That's a tough nut to crack as your friend has fallen in love and people who fall in love do not listen to reason. There is quite a cocktail of chemicals brewing in your friend's brain which makes him behave this way. There is not much you can do to change how he feels but here are a few things you could try: 1) Start a serious conversation with or write him a letter where you thank him for the experience and tell him that as a result you now know sex with men is not your thing. Say that you wish to remain friends and support him any way you can but that you have no romantic or sexual feelings towards him and that he has to understand that. If he does not believe you (i.e. if he thinks you are just closeted) tell him that even in that case there is no chance of you two having a relationship and that nothing will change that. 2) Set clear boundaries. Do not do anything with your friend that might be interpreted as an encouragement and tell him about this. If he violates those boundaries let him know immediately and ask him to stop. If he sends you inappropriate messages, just response telling him that what he is doing is crossing the line and that you are not going to respond to such messages. 3) If all else fails, tell him that you will cut all contact with him for a predetermined time, say one month. During that time you will not contact him and you will ignore all of his messages and attempts to contact you. After the time is up you can check up with him and see if he is over you. If not, you can repeat that with a longer time frame. Time and ignoring are the fastest ways to end his crush on you.
He started inviting me over to have sex with him. I ignoring him. He spazzed out on me. I finally told him that my heart belongs to someone else, whichbis true, because I recently got into a relationship. He got angry and ask me who she was. I said I wasn't going to tell him. He kept saying he loved me so much, and I told him that I was sorry and didn't feel the same way. He blocks me and ended sll contact with me. I lost a potential friendship; and I feel terrible for that. ---------- Post added 29th Feb 2016 at 09:17 AM ---------- He started inviting me over to have sex with him. I ignored him. He spazzed out on me. I finally told him that my heart belongs to someone else, whichbis true, because I recently got into a relationship. He got angry and ask me who she was. I said I wasn't going to tell him. He kept saying he loved me so much, and I told him that I was sorry and didn't feel the same way. He blocks me and ended sll contact with me. I lost a potential friendship; and I feel terrible for that. ---------- Post added 29th Feb 2016 at 09:18 AM ---------- He started inviting me over to have sex with him. I ignored him. He spazzed out on me. I finally told him that my heart belongs to someone else, whichbis true, because I recently got into a relationship. He got angry and ask me who she was. I said I wasn't going to tell him, just in case he tries to do something stupid. He kept saying he loved me so much, and I told him that I was sorry and didn't feel the same way. He blocks me and ended sll contact with me. I lost a potential friendship; and I feel terrible for that. ---------- Post added 29th Feb 2016 at 09:18 AM ---------- I apologies for the multipost
Well, I am sorry to hear this. Things do not always end up nicely and there is really nothing we can do about it. It might be possible that after some time, once your friend has gotten over you, you might become friends again. Give him time and space. I think it should be safe to check up on him after 6-12 months if you still feel like you want to be his friend. Come back and tell us how the story ended when you know it.
