Heya! Im 25 a woman and have always been attracted to woman but never been with one. I am in the closet as i dont feel very confident/proud about my sexuality. I feel that even though after knowing me you can sense that i must be gay ( im attractive and show no interest in men) i am unable to find someone who i am attracted to that likes e back (or even get mixed signals as the women i have crushes on are unsure about by sexuality...) Could this be the reason why i never get to "score"? That i try to find girls in heterosexual ambience (ie. Work, through straight friends..)? Any advice whatsoeveris welcome
It's not really about where you meet people. It's that the people you meet don't know you like women. I met my first girlfriend in a uni class, the same way I met my first boyfriend -- pretty normal settings. That said, obviously, hanging out in places/sites where most people are LGB will up your chances, especially because you've gotten past a major obstacle: the other person will assume you're into the same gender, instead of assuming you're straight. Being completely in the closet certainly makes things harder. While you can date while being closeted, at least one person has to know you're not straight: the person you're interested in. If you know they aren't straight, then you can make a move and they'll figure it out (hopefully). If you're not sure, at some point, you have to put yourself out there and ask... or make it obvious (to her!) that you are into women, and hope she will let you know if she is, too. Also, you really are giving us too much credit if you think we can all "sense" that you're gay -- my gaydar is worth absolutely nothing. My ex-girlfriend was fully out when we met, and I had no clue until someone told me -- and even then I was sure until she told me "I like girls." So, to sum it all up, advice: - Accept/understand your sexuality better. I'm not saying you have to come out right now, but learn to enjoy it and be comfortable with it. - If you find someone you're attracted to, try to find out if they're into women. And let them know you are, or just ask them out. "Mixed signals" and being confused is normal, but if you straight out ask someone, the answer is a pretty straightforward yes or no. - If you're not comfortable doing that, go to LGBT group meetings, or gay/lesbian bars, or look online (should be plenty of people in your area if you're near London). Don't go in with the goal of only finding romantic relationships, though; expanding your circle of LGBT friends is also awesome and could help you feel more at ease with your sexuality.
