We broke up in August and I finally started to get over him in October. Life was great, I started doing my own thing and focusing on myself. I decided that the past was the past. Then on the second week of October, he messaged me on G*indr saying he wanted to hook up. A part of me was hesitant to do so but we did anyway. We ended up hooking up with each other on a weekly basis after that. After we did our business, we would hang out and talk for a bit. Each time we started to talk more and more and we got along better. I was hoping we could become friends again. Well, about ten days ago, we made plans to hook up but I had to stay late at work and he said we could hang out after I got out of work. I declined because I was very tired after working all day. Ever since then, I noticed he's been on G*indr less and less and it's unusual because he used to be on G*indr pretty frequently. I just looked at his G*indr profile and it said he hasn't been on in five days. For some reason this is really worrying me and his lack of G*indr presence is causing me to miss him again. It feels like I am going through a breakup a second time now. I'm not sure what is going on as to why he hasn't been online and I also am not sure as to why it bothers me so much anyway. I mean, we're not a couple anymore, so it shouldn't concern me!! I keep thinking now that he's got a love interest or someone to hook up with regularly and these thoughts are causing me to feel extremely jealous and sad at the same time. It is starting to drive me crazy and is turning into a creepy obsession. I keep going on the G*indr app to make see if he's been online and everytime I see that "last seen: 5 days ago" sign, my stomach drops and I get depressed. For some reason, I am scared that he may never go on G*indr again. I think to myself that he's working then I literally drive out to his workplace and see if his truck is in the parking lot. If his truck isn't there, I get depressed, if I see his truck there, I get happy. It's aggravating because I was finally over him and now I feel like I am square one now. I also now wish that I'd gone to see him after work those ten days ago. I have even been considering going as far as casting a love spell to make him want me back. I never developed any romantic feelings for him in the period after our breakup so I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way.
It makes sense why you're feeling this way... But I can't explain how. I mean, probably the connection you've made recently could have stirred up past feelings; or new ones. You could find that you're liking him again because he's different, or because you're having a fresh start. Fresh starts tend to do that... Well do you have any contact with him aside from online? Maybe ring him up, just to chat for a bit. However, if this doesn't help; only making you more attached, it might not be wise. However, when you're ready, it is best to leave off at a stable place. Try to sort things out eventually. Best of luck.
I reckon that I possibly developed feelings for him in a subconscious manner. This is why I was apprehensive about fooling around the first time he wanted to do it after our break up. But I don't have any desires to be in a relationship with him ever again. I'd rather stay friends with benefits. We get along a lot better. We do go to the same church, unfortunately he is only at church half the time since he may have to work at times. I guess I can try to message him on Facebook but I am a little nervous to do so. Also, I remember him telling me once that he doesn't read his Facebook messages so it may be a waste of time. I guess that since he used to be on G****r frequently, I had the freedom to message him though we only messaged about the time and place. We may not have talked like normal friends on there but at least I was still getting some form of communication with him. Not hearing from him for two weeks after hearing from him on a regular basis, has myself to desire him more. Like the saying goes, you want what you can't have. I miss all of the good times we had together. I miss kayaking, fishing, hanging out and talking about things with him most. I miss that human connection of having a buddy. I don't really miss being in a relationship but I miss the friendship aspect of it. I guess I am lonely because I haven't found anyone else like my ex. Also, I want to add in that yesterday, I drove to his work to see his truck but as I was driving down the side road, I saw him getting into his truck then he looked in my direction so I sped off. I started freaking out thinking that he may have saw me. So I drove way out of the way and on different back roads to make sure we didn't cross paths. When I found a road I thought would be safe from him seeing me, we ended up crossing paths with each other (I was heading one way, he was heading the opposite). I saw him looking at me, then he opened his mouth like he was surprised or something. I pretended not to see him. So I have been freaking out about him seeing me.
